Parenting Blog

"Only Connect." -- E.M Forster  

Have you noticed two recurring themes in these daily inspirations? 

The first theme is that when we feel good, we're better parents.  Quite simply, we can only give what we have inside. That's why so many of these daily emails are about how to take better care of and manage ourselves.

The other theme is that parenting effectively always depends on our connection to our kids. Without that connection, we have little influence ("My kids won't listen!") and, frankly, parenting becomes an exhausting, thankless task.

Deepening our connection with our kids and keeping it strong as they grow is the work of parenting.  Of course kids need guidance, but that only sticks if the connection is there to support our teaching.  As our infants grow into toddlers and start to require limits, how do we maintain a strong connection while setting those limits?  Can we keep the connection solid as our child starts daycare or preschool?  As our kids move into the school years and out into the world, how do we stay connected so we can enforce high expectations?  And as our kids evolve into teenagers -- when we get fired as the boss -- how can we make sure we have a good enough connection with them so that we get rehired as consultants?

Welcome to the work of parenting.  Of course, that's where the rewards are, too.
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My Aha parenting moment this week comes from my Pregnancy.org forum.  I regularly reprint letters from that forum here (without identifying info) so that more parents can benefit from the answers.  You can also join me for a free online chat once a month at Pregnancy.org on Wednesdays.  READ POST

“Raising children, for me, was really about listening. I put myself in their shoes for a minute and really tried to imagine myself at that age. I always want my children to know that they’re heard.” — Kyra Sedgwick

Want your kids to listen to you?  As in, listen to your guidance, and do what you tell them?

If you just give commands, you have to keep escalating to get your child's attention.  And when you aren't in the room, who knows what they'll do?  Research shows that the parents who have the most influence on their kids are the ones who listen.  Their kids feel heard, understood, appreciated.  In return, they're more likely to understand and appreciate their parents' point of view.

Becoming a good listener is a skill that takes practice.  The first exercise is closing the mouth.  Is it a coincidence that the letters in the word “LISTEN” also can be used to spell “SILENT”?  READ POST

“You don't drown by falling in water, but by staying there."
--Tina Nocera

When you walk into your home, do you feel wonderful?  Or like you're drowning?

You know all those things you walk past and sigh?  They wear you down, or build resentment.  They slowly poison you and your family. It's Spring!  What better time to give your home a once-over so that it better supports your family? 

This weekend, gather your family for a few hours.  If the kids resist, explain that in a family everyone pitches in and works together.  Grab a pad of paper, a box, and garbage bags. Walk through your house together.  Anything you're ready to give away goes in the box. Anything you can throw away goes in the garbage.  Anything that repeatedly annoys you gets written down on the pad.  (Each person is limited to four things, so the list doesn't get overwhelming. You can always do this again next month!)

Then sit down over pizza and talk about your list.  What can you fix today?  Keep the list manageable and give everyone tasks according to their age and ability.  Brainstorm how the whole family can tackle the remaining issues over the next month.  If an item will cost money, budget how to accomplish that goal over time.  Set up a jar, label it, and celebrate as everyone starts contributing funds (in the form of cash or checks).

Fix as many things as possible this weekend and then celebrate with ice cream. Brainstorm together how you can keep your home feeling this orderly in the future. Your whole family will feel more connected, energetic and empowered. Your kids will have learned some terrific lessons. And you'll begin next week feeling like you can walk on water.
 
May your weekend be filled with miracles, large and small.   READ POST