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“It’s time to start living the life you’ve imagined.”
-- Henry James
You
know all those interactions you wish you could do over? You can't
change history, but you CAN rewrite the script and create an
alternative version in your mind. Why bother? First, the feelings you
take away will be positive, not toxic. Second, you'll be modeling for
yourself the way you want to act in the future. Your mind files that
away as a blueprint and you have the option of acting more positively
next time. Think of it as Emotional Muscle-Memory.
Tonight before sleep, find one thing that you did really well with your
kids, that you're proud of. Soak in that fabulous feeling. Then,
while you feel so good, find one thing you did with your child or
family that you want to do differently next time. Don't beat yourself
up, stay positive. Use your pause button as you play it in your mind
like a newsreel. See yourself handling the situation beautifully next
time.
This takes a little discipline at the end of the day, but it can change
your life. It's such a powerful tool that you may find yourself using
it every night.
READ POST
"Is there a way to change how we experience the hair-pulling challenges of mothering? Can one truly alter her feelings in the midst of the supermarket trip from hell? … there is always another way to see the situation, a way that potentially offers greater peace, comfort, acceptance, and balance than our initial response.”
-- Bethany Casarjian, Ph.D. & Diane H. Dillon, Ph.D.
Baffled about what you should do when your kid does something you don’t like, and you're too upset to think straight?
There are always times when we simply can't get our emotions into alignment with our conscious desire to be a patient parent. When this happens, sometimes we have to act our way into who we want to be, and let our feelings follow. So if you don't know what to do, think about someone whose parenting you’ve admired. Your friend, teacher, mom, even your own awesome inner parent who you sometimes are. Act as if you’re that person you admire. Imagine her on your shoulder whispering guidance in your ear. Act as if you know what to do. Then do it!
What would Jesus, Buddha, a joyous mother, do? Act “as if.” READ POST
Everyone knows that stress is bad for us, but why? READ POST
"When we experience problems in our lives we can trace every issue back to the wanting of control, security or approval. What's funny about this (although it doesn't feel funny in the moment!) is that we always have control, security and approval. It's an illusion that we are ever without all three!"
-- Jeanna Gabellini
Often parents feel helpless in the face of their child’s tantrums, lying, sulking, irresponsibility or other challenging behavior. But you don’t need to feel victimized. In fact, feeling powerless to intervene keeps you AND your child stuck.
Can you change the event that’s upsetting you? No.
Can you change your child? No. Only your child can change your child.
So how can you change the outcome?
There is only one thing you CAN change: Your response.
Turns out that’s enough.
Doing what you've always done will get you what you've always gotten.
But when you change how you interact with your child, your child will change.
Your child's behavior + Your response = Outcome READ POST
My Aha Parenting moment this week relates to the movie Coraline. By now, you probably know that the movie is about a young girl who moves into a new house. Her parents, both writers, work at home. They’re on deadline and too busy to pay attention to her, fill the fridge, or help her unpack and set up her room. Bored and irritable, Coraline finds a door into a mirror world with an identical but more attentive Other Mother and Father who lavish affection on her, cook for her, and arrange dazzling entertainments. READ POST
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