Parenting Blog

"What do I do when my three year old throws his truck at the cat? If I take the thrown object away and say, "The truck has to be put away now, because we can't let the kitty get hurt," my son seems to still view this as a punishment -- Mom is taking his favorite toy away and putting it somewhere high up where he can't reach it because he's little. Not to mention the frustrated/patronized look he gets on his face as soon as he sees my 'I'm about to empathize with your deeper feelings instead of addressing whatever need you think you have at this moment...'

Let's dig deep on this one because it's a great example of where punishment gets in the way of raising a responsible, emotionally intelligent child.  READ POST

"Dr Laura...Things have gotten better since we stopped using timeouts and the occasional spanking, but I can't seem to help my son feel safe enough to stop stuffing his feelings....he goes from trying to hit his sister to yelling at the dog and won't let the feelings out so it happens again and again.  I try to stay close (to help him with his feelings) but he just runs from room to room."

This smart mom knows that her son's misbehavior is a cry for help.  But how can she help him when he doesn't feel safe enough to show her his feelings?  By building safety through play when he "misbehaves." Here's how.
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"2 year-olds argue with their parents 20 to 25 times an hour." -- Child Development

Between 12 and 15 months, we learn a wonderful word:  "No!"
It's an ecstatic discovery.  We learn we are separate, autonomous beings with a will of our own who can impact what happens in the world.  We delight in saying, "No!" at every opportunity.  READ POST

"How many times have you felt forced/nudged/shamed/coerced into parenting in a way you don't usually because you were in a public situation? I know I have, and it still happens now that my kids are out of the toddler tantrum stage." - Ask Moxie

"Where I struggle is under the judgmental gaze of grandparents who believe in PUNISHMENT and CONSEQUENCES when the line is crossed. I can almost hear a tsk, tsk as I do my empathic parenting. Do others struggle with this? No matter how old I get....I still want parents' approval, you know?" - Ann  READ POST

Last week we talked about limit setting, in The Secret of Raising a Self-Disciplined Child. The comments and discussion on my Facebook page convinced me to do a whole series on Empathic Limits with examples, beginning today with What if Your Child Crosses the Line? and continuing tomorrow with Setting Limits in Public.  Feel free to send me your questions about specific situations at DrLauraMarkham@AhaParenting.com.  I won't be able to address them all, but it will help me focus on the most common issues.

"I don't understand the part about a transgression should never be punished. I get the concept of the bigger the transgression, the greater the child's need is, but what if they really cross a line? Yesterday my 3-yr-old threw a book because he got mad. It hit my husband in the eye & cut his skin--yikes! I removed him from the room, told him that was not allowed ever & put him in a thinking spot. Yes? No?"  READ POST

"My almost 3 year old has been potty trained for a year.  Lately, it's been fun to pee down his heating vent in his room. This morning, he really pushed me to my limit when I came out of the shower and realized he had peed on his 9 month old brother. And then when I put him in time-out in his room (instead of spanking him, which is really what I wanted to do) he peed in his heater vent again. I feel like I try to be a good parent, so I don't know what I'm doing wrong. How much more love and affection can I give him?  We'll start a sticker chart today and hope that works. Because once you pee on your brother, you've gone too far, and we have to fix this now." -- Anonymous

Clearly peeing on the baby is going too far!  Last week we looked at why spankings and timeouts don't really work when the toddler pees on the baby.  (If you missed that post, it's here.)  Today, let's consider Sticker charts.  Tomorrow, we'll explore that all-too-familiar refrain: How much more love and affection can I give him?   And on Thursday, we'll wrap up this little series with some real solutions.  (Can't wait?  They'll be geared toward helping this little pisser manage his emotions, so he can manage his behavior.)   READ POST