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"Before we're 8 years old, we have almost no capacity to filter out information that comes to us. So if parents or teachers, people we count on to nurture us,
say something hurtful to us before the age of eight...it goes in quite
deep and we carry those misbeliefs with us. They profoundly affect our
relationship to ourselves, to others...our sense of value in the
world." -- Dr. David Simon
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"The achievement of your goal is assured the moment you commit yourself to it." -- Mack R. Douglas
"Set your goals high, and don't stop till you get there."-- Bo Jackson
"It is possible to act a little nicer than you feel, but not much." -- Nancy Samalin
Next time your kid is pushing your buttons and driving you crazy, try
committing yourself. No, not to a mental institution. To being a
parent who doesn't yell.
Research
shows that when we consciously, verbally "commit" ourselves to a course
of action we're likely to achieve it, especially if we work at it
daily. By contrast, simply "wishing" something would be different, or
even "regretting" things we've done, doesn't usually change a thing.
So
if you want to be a parent who doesn't yell, start today. Commit
yourself. And then watch how resourceful you become in meeting your
goal.
Step
One? Notice that by the time you're losing it, not yelling is only
possible if you bite your tongue so hard you give yourself a piercing.
That's not what I recommend. You can't act much nicer than you feel.
So after you commit yourself, the first step in becoming a parent who
doesn't yell is taking care of yourself.
What
can you do to take care of yourself today, so you feel happier and less
stressed? Can you do it right now? If not now, when? READ POST
“You’ll
make mistakes, sure, but you desire to do the best you can for him. He
knows that and it’ll make all the difference in the world for him.” --
Karen Reime
Most of us find it easy to
express love for our kids when things are going right. But when they do
things we don't like, we assume we have to withdraw our love to show
our disappointment in our child. That's the best way to change their
behavior, right?
Actually, no. Like the rest of us, kids change because they're
motivated to change and believe they can. In other words, they're
motivated by wanting to please us, and they need confidence they can
live up to our expectations.
Kids who already feel we're not on their side, and they're always
disappointing us, just give up. You can usually tell when your child
gives up because she gets defiant, or because you're disciplining more,
rather than less. (When kids know we're on their side and believe they
can please us, discipline becomes rare, and mild.)
So the first step in influencing our child's behavior is reaffirming
the connection, letting him know we're on his side. The next step is
offering whatever support is necessary for him to achieve the desired
behavior, so that he thinks of himself as a kid who can please us,
rather than a kid who is always disappointing us.
How? Psychologists call it scaffolding, but you can think of it as
insuring your kid is on the right path by rewarding every step in the
right direction. More on that tomorrow. READ POST
Guest Blog by Judy Arnall
Author of Discipline Without Distress READ POST
"The purpose of life is to let love use us for its purposes." – Guy Finley
If the purpose of life is to bring more love into the world, then raising children is a particularly good opportunity to live your mission.
Today, get down on your child's level and hug him or her. Tell him all the positive things you notice about him. Spend time listening to him with an open heart, without judging or jumping in with solutions or opinions.
Time yourself and don't let interruptions in. Your goal is to spend at least ten minutes focusing positively on each child, without a structured activity. Just be present and make a loving, warm connection while you let your child know how lucky you feel to be their parent.
If discipline is required today, think of it as loving guidance and keep the positive connection while you guide your child.
Tomorrow, repeat. In a month, your child will be showing up differently in the world. And, of course, so will you.
May your week be filled with miracles, large and small. READ POST
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