Latest Posts
"Here, in this over-privileged country, are
children so over-scheduled that they hardly know what it is to daydream,
so institutionalized that they rarely know the contentment of
surrendering to the arms of someone they can depend upon absolutely --
for whom nothing is more important than giving them the love they need."
-- Anne R. Pierce
Do you feel sometimes like you have to be a super-parent? So often we
feel pressure to prove we’re good parents by bringing home-decorated
cupcakes to the class party, having a perfectly organized house, or
rushing to get an impressive dinner on the table every night. These may
be rewarding tasks, but they have nothing to do with parenting, since
your kids would rather have scrambled eggs and raw carrots for dinner if
that kept you in a better mood. But even if we rise above that
pressure, there isn’t a parent alive who hasn’t felt the urge to enroll
her kid in one more activity "to help him develop his potential." READ POST
"Parents often fail to realize the importance of playing with children of
all ages. Some new research, for example, by Anthony Pellegrini,
suggests that boys who engage in playful rough and tumble wrestling with
their dads have more positive social skills than boys who don't. I
always recommend what I call PlayTime, which is one-on-one time between a
parent and a child where the child is completely in charge of what they
do, and the parent gets down on the floor and gives their undivided,
enthusiastic attention (no phone calls or dinner preparations or paying
the bills)." -- Lawrence Cohen,
Playful
Parenting*
"Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" do you hear the reply?
When the day is done do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?
You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow" and in your haste, not see his sorrow?
When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there
When you worry and hurry through your day, it’s like an unopened gift...Thrown away.
Life is not a race. Do take it slower.
Hear the music
Before the song is over."
-- Dr. David L. Weatherford
Most people with grown children say they wish they'd been closer to
their kids. Most parents of teens say they wish they'd had more
"important" conversations with their kids when they were younger and
more willing to listen to their parents' views.
It's never too late to repair and rejuvenate your relationship with
your child. And it's never too early to start building the kind of
relationship with your child that you'll both treasure for the rest of
your lives.
How?
1. Place a premium on relationships in your family.
Make it an inviolate rule to turn off your cell phone when you're with
your kids. I promise the world will not fall apart and you can check
your messages later. Have dinner at the table where you can talk with
each other rather than in front of the TV. Make Friday night into
Family Game night and have fun together instead of sitting in a
darkened living room or movie theater watching a screen.
2. Every child needs "connection time" with each parent, each and every day.
With toddlers, connection time is floortime, when you get down on the
floor with them, in their space and in sync with their energy level,
and connect in their world, whether it's building a train track or
playing pretend. When they're ten, connection time will probably take
the form of snuggling with them at bedtime while you chat about their day at school or their favorite song. The point is
to give each child at least fifteen minutes of unstructured, non-directive
time to connect physically and share what's on their mind, every single
day. (Those nice things you do with them like bake cookies or help with
homework are structured time, so they're great but don't count toward
connection time.)
3. Remember the 5 to 1 ratio.
Try as we might, all of us sometimes have less than optimal
interactions with our children. Research shows that each interaction
that leaves anyone feeling bad requires five positive interactions to
restore a positive valence to the relationship. These can be little – a
warm smile or a pat on the shoulder – as long as you make sure they
have a positive impact.
READ POST
"No amount of 'parenting skills' can make up for the lack of a close parent-child relationship. Kids accept our guidance because of who we are to them. Without that relationship, it’s very hard to parent. A close bond not only makes our kids want to please us, it gives us access to our natural parenting know-how. Welcome to the work of parenting. But it's where the rewards are, too." -- Dr. Laura Markham READ POST
Parenting Blog RSS
