Latest Posts
"How many times have you felt
forced/nudged/shamed/coerced into parenting in a way you don't usually
because you were in a public situation? I know I have, and it still
happens now that my kids are out of the toddler tantrum stage." - Ask
Moxie
"Where I struggle is under
the judgmental gaze of grandparents who believe in PUNISHMENT and
CONSEQUENCES when the line is crossed. I can almost hear a tsk, tsk as I
do my empathic parenting. .. No matter how old I get....I still want
parents' approval, you know?" - Ann
Kids
don't always behave as we'd like when we're out and about. And when
they're at family gatherings, they're often over-excited and off their
schedules, so their behavior can be particularly challenging.
The
hard part is that not only do we have to be extra creative to help our
child cope in a way that doesn't infringe on the rights of others...We
have to do it in front of an audience! An audience that we just know is
judging us as bad parents. It doesn't matter whether it's grandparents
judging us as Permissive and Clueless or supermarket cashiers judging us
as Yelling and Mean. If we were good parents, our child wouldn't be
acting up to begin with. Right? READ POST
“I can't believe you're telling parents
not to discipline! I'm so tired of parents who can't say No to their
child and let them rule the roost. No wonder kids today don't have any
self-discipline."
Yesterday, we talked about Daring Not To Discipline. (And yes, I'm using discipline as the dictionary defines it: punishment.)
Like the above commenter, most parents assume that not punishing means
permissive parenting. This is a new idea for most people, which is why
it's the lengthiest chapter in my new book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. But resisting the urge to punish doesn't mean we don't set limits!
In fact, neither permissive parenting nor authoritarian parenting work
to raise self-disciplined kids. The research on this is very clear: the
kids who develop self-discipline, resilience, and emotional
intelligence are raised with empathic limits.
So yes, LIMITS are an essential part of raising great kids. But not
just any limits. EMPATHIC limits. That's because children develop
self-discipline more readily when they feel more connected to us.
Empathic limits means we: READ POST
"Sending children away to get control
of their anger perpetuates the feeling of 'badness" inside
them...Chances are they were already feeling not very good about
themselves before the outburst and the isolation just serves to confirm
in their own minds that they were right." -- Otto Weininger,Ph.D.
Time-In Parenting
When our kids get angry, it pushes
buttons for most of us. We want to be loving parents. Why is our child
lashing out like this? READ POST
“So just to
clarify: 3-year-old girl kicks 1-year-old, and I am to hold my
3-year-old (after making sure the crying 1-year-old is fine, got that)
and just sit with her until she feels better? No time-out, just hold her
and tell her that I love her and that I know she is hurting too....So,
no discipline, just love, i.e. more attention....more attention for
kicking the baby?!"... Kerri
I know exactly
what Kerri means. Someone kicks my baby? The lion-mama in me roars.
The last thing I would feel like doing is lavishing love on the
perpetrator.
Except that the perp is my three year old,
who is also my baby. And who is clearly in a state of emotional
dysregulation, or she wouldn't have done such a thing. She's sending me
a clear signal that she needs my help, desperately. READ POST
"Before we're 8 years old, we have almost no
capacity to filter out information that comes to us. So if parents or
teachers, people we count on to nurture us, say something hurtful to us
before the age of eight...it goes in quite deep and we carry those
misbeliefs with us. They profoundly affect our relationship to
ourselves, to others...our sense of value in the world." -- Dr. David
Simon
What did you learn before you were eight? That you're a capable person,
worthy of adoration and an abundant life, lovable exactly as you are,
even with all of your messy imperfections, bodily functions, anger,
fear, and neediness? Or maybe that you somehow aren't lovable enough to
have your needs completely met, that some of your feelings and body
parts are shameful, that harsh words or even blows might rain down on
you at any time? READ POST
"If you entertain thoughts that... your child is
manipulating you, taking advantage of you, ignoring you, or
disrespecting you -- you will often feel annoyed, irritated, and angry.
However, when instead you think in terms of the needs that you and your
child are trying to meet, then you are more likely to feel compassion
and connection. And you are much more likely to take action that
contributes to your child's well-being as well as your own." -- Sura
Hart & Victoria Kindle-Hodson
Is your child's behavior irritating you? Whether he's whining, bossy, or defiant, here's why -- what you can do about it. READ POST
"Currently,
a fantastic evening for me is crashing into my son’s bath with my
clothes on, chasing him around the house with a diaper on my aqua blue
bubble bath covered head, cooking cheap crappy pizza
(side of green
beans too, don’t worry), and reading Llama Llama Red Pajama to him.
Pretty much all the same stuff I did when I was single, just now I do
it with my son instead of my date. I used to run around the world
looking for the exact thing I now have sitting in ... my home. " --
Mark Holder
If you're like me, you have a long "To Do" list, and at the end of the
day you never feel like you've accomplished enough. This is your
official reminder that your In Box will never be empty, but your
children will grow up. Sooner than you think, you will be the last
person they'll want to spend time with. READ POST



