Latest Posts
"Some nights I look in on our sleeping children before I go to bed. I watch their softly tousled heads slumbering on their pillows, and sadness wells up in me. Have I drunk in their smiles and laughter and hugged them, or have I just checked things off my to-do list today? They're growing so quickly. One morning I may wake up and one of my girls will be getting married, and I'll worry: Have I played with them enough? Have I enjoyed the opportunity to be a part of their lives?"
-- Janet Fackrell
Research shows we need five positive interactions to each negative interaction to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.
It's part of our job description to enforce limits with our children, deny their requests, correct their behavior. Sometimes we're skillful enough that our child doesn't even perceive those interactions as "negative" -- but that's rare. More often, they give us the benefit of the doubt because all the other loving, affirming interactions create a positive balance in our relationship account. But when we're short on positive interactions, our relationship balance dips into the red. That's when kids develop attitude, whether they're two or twelve.
What can you do today to refill your relationship account with your child? Write down five things and do at least one each day this week. READ POST
In the United States, we often make a cultural presumption that teens
and young adults who are close to their parents are less independent in
their lives. That's not true, says recent research. In fact, young
adults who feel they can share honestly with their parents say they
feel free to make independent decisions and don't feel the need to
rebel against their parents' expectations.
Dr. Yanir defined a close relationship with parents as
one in which children talk with their parents often and regularly spend
time together (eating meals together, for example), and one in which a
child feels comfortable sharing his thoughts and experiences with his
parents. She distinguished between parent-child connectedness and
relationship-orientation, which refers to the child's need to satisfy
his parents and fulfill their expectations. Connected kids may
share with parents and solicit their advice, and still make
independent choices and decisions.
"An independent young adult is one who exhibits independence not
only in his day-to-day life but also in the emotional sphere, and who
makes his way in life with emotional and intellectual autonomy," Dr. Yanir
explained in an interview in Science Daily. "The research
found that following adolescence, the familial connection is an
important factor in forming one's identity and living an independent
life. It seems that not only can independence and closeness exist
together, but they actually flourish together." READ POST
Parenting Blog RSS
