journalist visited a town famous for its rampant unhappiness to see if
he could understand its origin. Walking down the street, he noticed a
man ahead of him. Suddenly, a little man, no more than a few inches
high, appeared and ran up the man's leg. He started sticking pins into
the man and sewing things to him. Instantly, the man was covered by
these tiny tailors, all sticking him with pins. He looked completely
miserable as he shuffled off. The journalist saw this happen to one
person after another, until he was ready to give up and go home. The
town was completely infested with tiny tailors; no wonder everyone was
unhappy. Then the journalist noticed one woman covered with tiny tailors
who apparently said something, and the tiny tailors just melted away.
The journalist ran over to her. 'What did you say to get free of them?!"
he exclaimed. 'Oh,' she answered, 'It was nothing. I just told them
I've decided to stop measuring myself.'” -- Guy Finley
Most of the time when we find ourselves anxious or unhappy, it's because we've been measuring ourselves and come up short. We're constantly comparing ourselves to an ideal in our minds of what we should be. Unfortunately, no live human can ever live up to an ideal. READ POST
they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most
important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love.
Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our
children.” -- Rosaleen Dickson
We've reached the final step of our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love.
Step Ten? Repeat daily to rewire your brain for love. Watch your life transform. READ POST
"You may become flooded by
feelings such as fear, sadness or rage. These intense emotions can lead
you to have a knee-jerk reaction instead of thoughtful responses. When
emotional reactions replace mindfulness, you're on the low road and it
is very unlikely that you will be able to maintain nurturing
communication and connection with your child." -- Dan Siegel
This is Step 9 in our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love: Take the High Road.
You know what the high road is. When you’re feeling really good, nothing fazes you. You respond to your child’s foibles with patience, understanding, and a sense of humor.
You know what the low road is, too. It’s when you’re stressed, exhausted, resentful. When you insist on being right or wringing an apology out of your child. When your fuse is so short that you feel justified in having your own little tantrum. When you're in the grip of fight or flight emotions and your child looks like the enemy. READ POST
"Dr Laura....I only found Aha! Parenting a month ago. Already things have improved so much with my kids and I no longer act like a crazy person when I get frustrated with them. But I keep wondering if I have messed my children up forever...."
"Understanding alone cannot prevent disrupted connections from occurring. Some will inevitably happen. The challenge we all share is to embrace our humanity with humor and patience so that we can in turn relate to our children with openness and kindness. To continually chastise ourselves for our "errors" with our children keeps us involved in our own emotional issues and out of relationship with our children.." -- Daniel J. Siegel
Have you made mistakes as a parent? Join the club. The bad news is that you're human, like all parents. So we all fall short. READ POST
stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom
and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and
freedom." -- Victor Frankl
"Where there is great love, there are always miracles." – Willa Cather
I know, you never actually stop loving your child, even when she acts like a monster and you can't stand being with her another minute. But I'm afraid that the love you feel isn't the most important factor in your child's emotional development. READ POST
"Try to see your child
as a seed that came in a packet without a label. Your job is to
provide the right environment and nutrients and to pull the weeds. You
can’t decide what kind of flower you’ll get or in which season it will
bloom." - Anonymous
This is Step 6 in our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love.
Unconditional love isn't just what we feel. It's what the object of our love feels: love without strings attached. That means our child doesn't have to be, or do, anything in particular to earn our love. We love her exactly as she is. READ POST
"What can you do if the people in your life, in particular family, continue to inflict wounds although you keep forgiving? Isn't it better to keep them at arms length ?" - Ruby
“Healing comes when we meet our wounded places with compassion." -- Stephen Levine
Yesterday, Step 4 in our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love was Are You Drinking Rat Poison? Many readers thought I was saying that forgiveness means you make up with anyone who has hurt you and give them access to your heart again. NOT. You don't want people in your life who inflict wounds. Arms length? Toss them out of your life altogether! READ POST