Parenting Blog

"A journalist visited a town famous for its rampant unhappiness to see if he could understand its origin. Walking down the street, he noticed a man ahead of him. Suddenly, a little man, no more than a few inches high, appeared and ran up the man's leg.  He started sticking pins into the man and sewing things to him. Instantly, the man was covered by these tiny tailors, all sticking him with pins.  He looked completely miserable as he shuffled off. The journalist saw this happen to one person after another, until he was ready to give up and go home. The town was completely infested with tiny tailors; no wonder everyone was unhappy. Then the journalist noticed one woman covered with tiny tailors who apparently said something, and the tiny tailors just melted away. The journalist ran over to her. 'What did you say to get free of them?!" he exclaimed. 'Oh,' she answered, 'It was nothing. I just told them I've decided to stop measuring myself.'”  -- Guy Finley

Most of the time when we find ourselves anxious or unhappy, it's because we've been measuring ourselves and come up short. We're constantly comparing ourselves to an ideal in our minds of what we should be.  Unfortunately, no live human can ever live up to an ideal.   READ POST

 "Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity - a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother."  -- Rose Kennedy

Most parents take their job as teachers very seriously.  We teach our kids colors.  ABCs.  Sharing.  Right from wrong.

But sometimes we don't even notice a much more important lesson we're imparting to our children: how to manage themselves and their feelings.  This is the basis of emotional intelligence (EQ), which will determine their quality of life much more fundamentally than their IQ.  READ POST

"Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild."- Welsh Proverb
  READ POST

"Children equate being loved with the reality of when we are there for them – when we really show up. And traditional methods have us showing up so much more when there are problems...Conventional wisdom tells parents that the time to emit more energy – that is, more emotion, more facial expression, more volume, and more intense relationship – is when things are going wrong. That’s a mistake, and a big one, because it puts our powerful parental energy to work growing more of the behaviors we actually want to see less of or not at all. Why water weeds?" --  Howard Glasser

What we focus on grows.  Kids are like little geiger counters. They live for our emotional energy -- positive or negative.  So why, as parents, do we give most of our energy to what's going wrong?  Even when we do catch our child doing something right, look at the amount of energy that's behind our responses to bad behavior ("How many times do I have to tell you?!") versus our positive acknowledgments ("Nice job, dear.")  READ POST

"Your daily meditations are great, but what we really need is the same meditation every day, until we master it.  The first step to being a good parent is always to embrace yourself with compassion. "  - Beth Sandweiss  READ POST

“Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.” -- Rosaleen Dickson



"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too." -- Joyce Maynard



"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."
 --  F. P. Jones

We've reached the final step of our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love. (Links to each of the previous steps are available on this original post.)  

Step Ten? 
Repeat daily. Watch your life transform. 



Healing our ability to love unconditionally requires daily practice as we catch the curve balls of life.  That's because into every life some rain must fall.  Some lives require tremendous courage, just to get up in the morning. Even those of us whose lives are objectively “good” still live with our all too human mind, which is designed to keep us "safe" (read: anxious). Happiness is nowhere in its job description.  READ POST

"You may become flooded by feelings such as fear, sadness or rage. These intense emotions can lead you to have knee-jerk reaction instead of thoughtful responses.  When emotional reactions replace mindfulness, you're on the low road and it is very unlikely that you will be able to maintain nurturing communication and connection with your child." -- Daniel J. Siegel

This is Step 9 in our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love: Take the High Road.

You know what the high road is. When you’re feeling really good, nothing fazes you. You respond to your child’s foibles with patience, understanding, and a sense of humor.

You know what the low road is, too. It’s when you’re stressed, exhausted, resentful.  When you insist on butting heads or wringing an apology out of your child.  When your fuse is so short that you feel justified in having your own little tantrum. When you're in the grip of fight or flight emotions and your child looks like the enemy.    READ POST