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“You can complain because roses have thorns; or you can rejoice because thorns have roses”—Ziggy
"The opposite of complaining is gratitude. We should talk about things
we are thankful for rather than things we are unhappy about. Our minds
are like steering wheels, they take us in the direction we point them.
If we focus on negative things, we will notice and attract more
negative things in our life. If we focus on positive things, we will
move in the direction of greater happiness and more success." - AComplaintFreeWorld.org
Research
shows that when we listen to complaints of any kind, we get
demoralized. Whether we're making the complaints or listening to them,
our minds start on a cycle of negative thinking.
So why do we complain?
Sometimes to get attention or connect with others by commiserating.
Sometimes to avoid taking responsibility for something: It's not OUR fault! Sometimes simply because it's the story we tell about our lives. "You won't believe how awful my day (week, year, life) was."
Parents and kids often complain as a way to lobby each other to behave
differently. With parents, it could be called nagging. "I can't believe you left your jacket on the floor again!" With kids, it's an attempt to elicit parental intervention of some sort: "He's picking on me!" or "All the other kids' parents let them!"
Challenge your family to live this week complaint-free. Put a jar on
your counter. Every time anyone complains, that person has to put a
quarter in the jar, and express gratitude in place of the complaint.
"Not chicken again!" might become "I am so grateful we get to have a healthy, hearty dinner and that Mom cooked it for us!"
"I hate picking up the clothes you kids leave on the floor" might become
"Dinner will be ready in ten minutes. I'm so glad that you kids will
have all these clothes picked up first so I can serve everyone dessert
after dinner, right? I love that everyone in this family is learning
to clean up his own messes."
"Can't you ever brush your hair?" might become "I love having such a beautiful daughter!"
"My boss did it again!" might become "I am grateful to have a job and a paycheck to feed my family."
At the end of the week, donate your quarters to charity. You'll be
amazed how much money you raise for your favorite charity as you
re-train yourself.
May your week be filled with the miracle of gratitude. READ POST
"You got to accent...uate the positive, elim..inate the negative ...
latch on...to the affirmative..." -- Johnny Mercer
Want to try an experiment that will transform your child’s behavior in
a week? Step one is to accentuate the positive. Acknowledge every
positive thing your child does with as much enthusiasm, appreciation
and specificity as you can. Do this as many times a day as you can
catch your child doing something right, accompanied frequently by an
affectionate hug.
"You and your sister played so happily together this afternoon."
“I’m so pleased with how you picked up all your toys! You must be so proud of yourself!”
“The dog loves it when you feed her. Look how happy she is!”
Step Two? Eliminate the negative! No matter how bad your child’s
negative behavior, keep your emotional response flat as you set limits.
No punishment, just limits. Staying calm is tough, but kids live off
our emotional energy. If they get it only for positive behavior, not
for negatives, they'll repeat the positive behavior. The negative
behavior will diminish and eventually disappear as the child develops a
positive self image.
Fair warning: Intense kids need lots of intense energy, so muster all the enthusiasm you can.
What do you have to lose? READ POST
"If
you entertain thoughts that people are doing things to you -- for
example, that your child (or anyone else) is manipulating you, taking
advantage of you, ignoring you, or disrespecting you -- you will often
feel annoyed, irritated, and angry. However, when instead you think in
terms of the needs that you and your child are trying to meet in every
action taken, then you are more likely to feel compassion and
connection. And you are much more likely to take action that
contributes to your child's well-being as well as your own." -- Sura
Hart & Victoria Kindle-Hodson
We all have
needs -- for food, touch, fun, safety, self-expression, connection with
others. Children are born completely powerless. They're still trying
to figure out how to get their needs met. Once kids are convinced their
needs matter to their parents -- on whom they depend to meet those
needs -- they can relax and listen to their parents' agenda. In other
words, they don't have to fight with us to try to get their needs met.
They feel the way we all feel when our needs are met: comfortable,
happy, open, appreciative. That's when they're ready to cooperate.
When your kids use a dysfunctional strategy to meet their needs, notice
the deeper need they're trying to fill. READ POST



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