Parenting Blog

"If you entertain thoughts that... your child is manipulating you, taking advantage of you, ignoring you, or disrespecting you -- you will often feel annoyed, irritated, and angry.  However, when instead you think in terms of the needs that you and your child are trying to meet, then you are more likely to feel compassion and connection.  And you are much more likely to take action that contributes to your child's well-being as well as your own."  -- Sura Hart & Victoria Kindle-Hodson

Is your child's behavior irritating you? Whether he's whining, bossy, or defiant, here's why -- what you can do about it.  READ POST

"Dr. Laura.....I have no idea how to be the parent who doesn’t yell….it is so deeply ingrained into me..."

Not yelling may seem like a miracle, but this is something you can do.  I've seen many, many parents do it.   READ POST

"I love all your advice.  But I find it only works when I can stay calm, which is really hard.  I'm a yeller.  My mother was a yeller. I come from a long line of yellers.  How do I break that cycle?" - Cynthia

"Making yourself accountable to your kids for these kinds of changes is really powerful, for you and for them! It models so much amazing stuff for them (how to set goals, how to do emotional work, etc.) and makes them feel like an important and capable ally in your life. It's not difficult to see how "Hey Billy, can you help me with problem X I am having in my life" translates to "Hey Mom, can you help me with problem Y I am having in my life" in the teen years, and beyond."- Jennifer Dillon

Most parents yell.  We don't even notice ourselves doing it half the time.  Our voice just gets louder and louder.  Or we do know we're doing it, but at that moment, it seems completely justified.  After all, did you SEE what that kid DID?!  READ POST

When my daughter comes home from school or a playdate and starts acting out, I set the limit: "I know that something must've really made you mad at school today.  I am here to help you or to just talk about it but  you may not smack your brother in the head." ... If I persist,  "Boy, you seem so mad ....Can you tell me what's going on?" ... She will yell "STOP TALKING; I DON'T WANT TO TALK or "QUIT ALWAYS TRYING TO MAKE ME TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS"... I let her know that I am here for her when she's ready to talk.  At bedtime I may try one last time with no luck. She may get up the next morning and the negative attention seeking behaviors are still there and she has to go about her day lugging around what happened yesterday and I was not able to help her sort through it.  She is opening up more and more these last few weeks (since I have stopped yelling!) but at times she still completely shuts down.  READ POST

"Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?"

We all feel the urge to blame someone when things go wrong.  We seem to think that fixing blame prevents a recurrence of the problem, or absolves us of responsibility.  In reality, blaming makes everyone defensive, more inclined to watch their back -- and to attack -- than to make amends.   READ POST

"When your son and daughter are fighting with each other, you want them to learn to resolve their differences successfully, but you may have never learned to successfully work through conflicts yourself. Before you can teach your kids to listen, identify the problem, express their feelings, generate solutions, and find common ground, you have to learn those problem-solving skills yourself"- Laura Davis & Janis Keyser   READ POST

"Parents often fail to realize the importance of playing with children of all ages. Some new research, for example, by Anthony Pellegrini, suggests that boys who engage in playful rough and tumble wrestling with their dads have more positive social skills than boys who don't.  I always recommend what I call PlayTime, which is one-on-one time between a parent and a child where the child is completely in charge of what they do, and the parent gets down on the floor and gives their undivided, enthusiastic attention (no phone calls or dinner preparations or paying the bills)." -- Lawrence Cohen, Playful Parenting*  READ POST