Parenting Blog

Guest Blog by Judy Arnall
Author of Discipline Without Distress   READ POST

"No amount of 'parenting skills' can make up for the lack of a close parent-child relationship. Kids accept our guidance because of who we are to them. Without that relationship, it’s very hard to parent. A close bond not only makes our kids want to please us, it gives us access to our natural parenting know-how. Welcome to the work of parenting.  But it's where the rewards are, too." -- Dr. Laura Markham  READ POST

"Let there be times when you don't tell someone everything you know about her problem, even if your understanding of it is better than hers." -- Guy Finley
  READ POST

"You will always be your child's favorite toy."  -- Vicki Lansky

Anyone at your house a bit bored this summer?  I hope so.  If not, your kids may be over-scheduled or spending too much time being entertained by electronics.  All kids deserve the experience of a lazy summer afternoon empty of obligation and full of possibility. 

But if your kids just can't seem to find a way to occupy themselves without resorting to technology, consider offering them an hour with the guaranteed favorite toy of any child under the age of 12:  A parent. 

The fun, attentive presence of a parent always fills kids' deeper hungers.  Often you can use that time to get your child interested in a project that will occupy them for hours.  But even if you just use that hour to read in a hammock or play in the sprinkler, you'll find your child is a lot happier and able to engage himself for the rest of the day.    READ POST

Guest Blog by Joanne Stern
author of Parenting Is a Contact Sport
ParentingIsaContactSport.com  READ POST

My Aha! Parenting moment this week came when my almost 14 year old daughter had some friends over for a sleepover.  Now, this was the second night in a row of sleepovers, which is not something we normally do.  I agreed reluctantly, after extracting several promises from my daughter, including her reassurance that the girls would have the lights off and actually try to go to sleep at 11pm. Not only did they have to get up for summer camp at 7:30am, but I personally wanted to be in bed at 11!  I knew one of the girls likes to stay up late at her own house, so I made a big deal about this, pointing out that if they wanted to stay up late, I would recommend they sleep at their own houses.

The next day, my daughter shared with me that the other two girls had wanted to wait until I went to bed and then get up and sneak outside.  My daughter nixed it, pointing out that she had an agreement with me.  One of the other girls -- and by the way, these girls spend a lot of time at my house, and I had made the agreement clear to them as well -- said "You won't do it just because your Mom said No?  Who cares what she wants? Why would you just do what your parents want?"  Alice answered "Because I want to!"

And that was the Aha Moment.  Plenty of kids DON'T want to do what their parents want them to, particularly by the time they're 14.  And of course Alice has plenty of times when she wants something different than I do, which can lead to long discussions about why she should be allowed to do something I'm reluctant to permit.  This sleepover, in fact, is a good example of a time when I decided to allow it -- but only after we agreed on certain terms.

Of course Alice wanted to keep those terms.  She knows our whole relationship is based on trust, and our relationship is one of the most important things in her life.  If she had broken our agreement, and I had found out, I would have been terribly wounded, and she knew that.  At core, Alice keeps her agreements with me for the same reason I keep mine with her -- we would never intentionally hurt each other.  We tend our relationship, we nurture it and make repairs when it frays, and we would no more betray each other than we'd set fire to our house.

The interesting thing to me is that the girl in question has told Alice she and her mother have a terrible relationship.  Clearly, she wouldn't think twice about violating an agreement with her mom.  And yet says that Alice is so lucky to have "the best Mom in the world."  She clearly can' even imagine the kind of relationship Alice has with me, and the fact that it isn't about having a great mom, but about working together to have a great relationship.    READ POST

"The purpose of life is to let love use us for its purposes." – Guy Finley

If the purpose of life is to bring more love into the world, then raising children is a particularly good opportunity to live your mission.

Today, get down on your child's level and hug him or her. Tell him all the positive things you notice about him.  Spend time listening to him with an open heart, without judging or jumping in with solutions or opinions. 

Time yourself and don't let interruptions in. Your goal is to spend at least ten minutes focusing positively on each child, without a structured activity.  Just be present and make a loving, warm connection while you let your child know how lucky you feel to be their parent.

If discipline is required today, think of it as loving guidance and keep the positive connection while you guide your child.

Tomorrow, repeat.  In a month, your child will be showing up differently in the world.  And, of course, so will you.

May your week be filled with miracles, large and small.  READ POST