"I watch their softly tousled heads slumbering on
their pillows, and sadness wells up in me. Have I drunk in their smiles
and laughter and hugged them, or have I just checked things off my to-do
list today? They're growing so quickly. One morning I may wake up and
one of my girls will be getting married, and I'll worry: Have I played
with them enough? Have I enjoyed the opportunity to be a part of their
lives?" -- Janet Fackrell
It's part of our job description as parents to guide our kids and keep them moving through the daily routine. All too often, that means setting limits, denying requests, correcting behavior. Sometimes we're skillful enough that our child doesn't perceive our guidance as "negative." More often, kids give us the benefit of the doubt because all the other loving, affirming interactions create a positive balance in our relationship account. READ POST
"Let there be times when you don't
tell someone everything you know about her problem, even if your
understanding of it is better than hers." - Guy Finley
"Self Esteem comes from feeling capable in the world, as well as from being loved unconditionally." - Ty and Linda Hatfield
Ever notice how kids don't really want to hear your solutions to their problems? Teenagers, particularly, often react with downright hostility when we give them our good advice. That's because they need to see themselves as capable. Every time we tell our child how to handle something, we're implying that he isn't competent enough to figure it out for himself. We're undermining his confidence, which erodes his self-esteem. READ POST
"Sending children away to get control
of their anger perpetuates the feeling of 'badness" inside
them...Chances are they were already feeling not very good about
themselves before the outburst and the isolation just serves to confirm
in their own minds that they were right." -- Otto Weininger,Ph.D.
When our kids get angry, it pushes buttons for most of us. We want to be loving parents. Why is our child lashing out like this? READ POST
"If you entertain thoughts that... your child is
manipulating you, taking advantage of you, ignoring you, or
disrespecting you -- you will often feel annoyed, irritated, and angry.
However, when instead you think in terms of the needs that you and your
child are trying to meet, then you are more likely to feel compassion
and connection. And you are much more likely to take action that
contributes to your child's well-being as well as your own." -- Sura
Hart & Victoria Kindle-Hodson
Is your child's behavior irritating you? Whether he's whining, bossy, or defiant, here's why -- what you can do about it. READ POST
Did you know that one out of every four girls in middle school today will be date-raped by the time she's 22? That predators try to abduct about 100,000 teenage girls each year, with the risk peaking at age 15? As I consider my 16 year old and her friends, these statistics are shocking, unbearable. READ POST
BlogHer and LG (one of the largest cell phone manufacturers in the world)
asked me to post about Mobile Meanness on BlogHer.com. Their
“LG TextEd Ambassador” program hopes to arm parents with the info they
need to help kids use their cell phones responsibly. My post, which includes Rules to Help Your Child Handle a Cell Phone Responsibly, is here on BlogHer.
"Try to see your child as a seed that came in a packet without a label. Your job is to provide the right environment and nutrients. You can’t decide what kind of flower you’ll get or in which season it will bloom."
Are there things about your child that drive you crazy? Often we think we our job is to "stamp out" those traits and mold the perfect child. But humans can't pare away our weaknesses, because they're the flip side of our strengths. That's who we ARE.
If she has trouble controlling her anger when her brother disrespects her, is she an equally passionate fighter against other injustices? Is his dawdling a sign of immense imagination -- like Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes, is he secretly Spaceman Spiff? Will her emphasis on socializing shape the perfect talk-show host? Will his stubbornness help him succeed at a difficult task against all odds?
We can't sculpt our kids. All we can really do is give them nurturing conditions in which to grow into who they are, and teach them to manage their weaknesses so their strengths can blossom. READ POST