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“You don't drown by falling in water, but by staying there."
--Tina Nocera
When you walk into your home, do you feel wonderful? Or like you're drowning?
You
know all those things you walk past and sigh? They wear you down, or
build resentment. They slowly poison you and your family. It's
Spring! What better time to give your home a once-over so that it
better supports your family?
This
weekend, gather your family for a few hours. If the kids resist,
explain that in a family everyone pitches in and works together. Grab
a pad of paper, a box, and garbage bags. Walk through your house
together. Anything you're ready to give away goes in the box. Anything
you can throw away goes in the garbage. Anything that repeatedly
annoys you gets written down on the pad. (Each person is limited to
four things, so the list doesn't get overwhelming. You can always do
this again next month!)
Then sit down over pizza and talk about your list. What can you fix
today? Keep the list manageable and give everyone tasks according to
their age and ability. Brainstorm how the whole family can tackle the
remaining issues over the next month. If an item will cost money,
budget how to accomplish that goal over time. Set up a jar, label it,
and celebrate as everyone starts contributing funds (in the form of
cash or checks).
Fix as many things as possible this weekend and then celebrate with ice
cream. Brainstorm together how you can keep your home feeling this
orderly in the future. Your whole family will feel more connected,
energetic and empowered. Your kids will have learned some terrific
lessons. And you'll begin next week feeling like you can walk on water.
May your weekend be filled with miracles, large and small.
READ POST
Most senior citizens say they wished they had spent more time with their children, and that the years of child-raising, in retrospect, passed in the blink of any eye. Most fathers, and even more mothers, say that they want to spend more time with their children, especially in those tricky afterschool hours when kids could use supervision on their homework. READ POST
Let's be honest about babies and toddlers. They need us.
Developmentally, they need the concentrated loving attention of a
permanent attachment figure who adores them. (Which by definition
excludes paid caregivers.)
Women in our culture are given a terrible, unfair choice: either meet
our children’s needs or meet our own. Excuse me, but why aren’t men
faced with this choice? READ POST
A mom asked me this week, "What can parents do to raise great kids, given that babies and even older kids need us so much, but we need to work?"
There’s no perfect solution, but many
parents are navigating a way through the maze of options, putting
together a life that works for them and for their children.
1. Choose professions that offer more flexibility, even if less money.
2. Arrange for both partners work part-time while children are under six so that both
share in early child raising. Later, more flexibility and fewer hours
than most fulltime jobs.
3. Use technology as a servant, not a master. Carve out protected family time.
4. Pay conscious attention to who does the work at home. Share it.
5.
Prioritize relationship and ritual. (Choose dinner with friends the
first Friday night of each month over the latest movie opening.)
6. Space children three years or more apart to maximize individual parent-child relationships.
7. Consciously create home as a calm, safe, warm refuge. (Resist over-scheduling, over-stimulation and stress.)
8. Live stated values. (No grand theft auto or shoot-em-up computer/video games.)
9. Embrace individuality and nurture individual passions, which are protective for kids in the face of cultural and peer pressure.
10. Nurture the family as a whole (do things together as the default.) READ POST
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