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Parents' Holiday Survival Skill #1: Manage Yourself

My memories of Christmas as a child are of stress. My mother wanted everything to be perfect and got so worked up trying to do it all that it made the rest of the family crazy. I remember my dad comforting me when I was about 8yrs-old, I was crying and said “I hate Christmas” and he said “I do, too, honey. We just have to get through it.” For my kids I try to be relaxed and fun. We make ornaments for friends and family in December and give them out as we see people — gets us into the giving without thought of receiving. We take time to see the lights around town, to decorate and appreciate our tree. We talk about the other festivals of lights and remember that feasting and gifts are to make the darkest, coldest time of year merry. We celebrate the return of the sun.  We relax and play and laugh and appreciate each other.” -- Amy S   READ POST

Tuesday, December 13, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

A Thanksgiving Blessing

"When we experience a sense of gratitude, we give ourselves a dose of mental sunshine.  Suddenly the world seems brighter, and we have more options.  And the greatest thing is that as we experience the mental sunshine of gratitude, we begin to glow with sunshine ourselves.  Suddenly not only is the world brighter, but we are too.  Soon we notice that our lives are full of people who want to be around us because we exude peacefulness, happiness, and joy." -- M.J. Ryan  READ POST

Wednesday, November 23, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Thanksgiving doesn't have to be perfect to be perfect

"It's especially important during the holidays to remember that aiming for a PERFECT holiday ritual is actually a bad goal. Not only is perfection impossible and striving for it adds stress, but honestly, the holidays families remember most fondly are those when the dog ate the cake, or everybody got the flu on Thanksgiving. Play it loose, have a sense of humor..." -- Meg Cox  READ POST

Monday, November 21, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

How do kids declare independence?

“Those who make peaceful revolutions impossible will make violent revolutions inevitable”  -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

July 4th marks the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the formal beginning of the revolution that established the United States of America.  Fireworks displays across the country will symbolize our citizens' willingness to fight and die so that we could run our own country.

It's a great opportunity to think about the process of children becoming independent.  How, exactly, does that happen?

Children become independent in a natural process of growth.  When we meet their biological need for a secure base when they're little, they can gradually explore further and further away from us, returning regularly for refueling.  Eventually, they can manage without us emotionally.  Being there when our kids need us keeps them from "looking for love in all the wrong places" such as their peer group, which some kids use as a substitute "secure base."

Of course, there's that tricky balance, which allows us to step back when our kids don't need us.  Kids need a step-by-step loosening of parental restrictions as they grow.  Beginning when they're about a year old, they usually begin rebelling if they don't get the right to make some decisions, even if only about the red cup versus the blue cup.  By the time they're two, parents need to be saying things like "You're in charge of your own body,"  by the time they're three, "You're in charge of picking your own clothes from this drawer" and by the time they're five, "You're in charge of your own playtime, so you decide whether you want to go to that party."

Our job as parents is to provide our kids with the lifeline of a strong relationship with us while giving them steadily increasing control over their own lives.  Kids who are given gradual, appropriate autonomy learn how to use it responsibly.  They grow into unique individuals who feel confident in their own skin.  They aren't as prone to peer pressure. 

Maybe most important, the peaceful evolution of independence protects our kids from the violent revolution that otherwise characterizes the teen years. It's a myth that teens have an inherent need to rebel.  What they need is to become themselves, with our blessing. 

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Friday, July 02, 2010 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

What's Your Idea of a Perfect Mother's Day Present?

"All mothers are working mothers." -- Author Unknown
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Friday, May 07, 2010 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Thank you for inspiring me... Happy Mothers Day!

Thank you for all you do.  READ POST

Friday, May 07, 2010 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

What does faith have to do with parenting your child?

"The darkness of the whole world cannot swallow the glowing of a candle."
-- Robert Altinger

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!" -- Harry Dixon Loes

Happy December 18th!

Today is the last day of Chanuka, the festival of lights, which celebrates miracles and faith.  Monday marks the Winter Solstice, signaling the turning of the seasons and the daily increase in the gift of sunlight.
 
Today we celebrate the miracle of faith.
Faith that the oil will keep burning.
Faith that the sun will soon gift us with its presence for a little longer each day.
Faith that your children will grow and thrive.
Faith that these children were sent to your arms for a reason.
Faith that you have it in you to be the best parent possible to your child.
Faith that you are more than enough.

Today, revel in the miracle of faith
And fill your cup all day long
With gratitude
For all the miracles in your life
and let your light shine!

May your day be filled with miracles, large and small.  READ POST

Friday, December 18, 2009 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink
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