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"When your son and daughter are fighting with each other, you want them to learn to resolve their differences successfully, but you may have never learned to successfully work through conflicts yourself. Before you can teach your kids to listen, identify the problem, express their feelings, generate solutions, and find common ground, you have to learn those problem-solving skills yourself"- Laura Davis & Janis Keyser READ POST
"Whereas he was once the center of your
universe, he has been displaced from this paradise. He is now in time
out, while you coo at his tiny rival. You cannot, of course, push back
the clock to a time when he, alone, was the apple of your eye. All the
same, trying to imagine how frustrated your 3 year old must often feel
can help you counteract his sense of loss. Your expressions of love,
gestures of devotion, and moments of intimacy with your son can help him
feel less deserted and alone. Helping your son recapture a sense of
shared joy in his relationship with you will turn down the fuel of his
hate, and--in addition--smooth the pathway to his identification with
you as a loving, protective, sharing person. Like all small children, he
wants at moments to be an indulged infant and at other moments to be a
powerful grown-up, someone capable of indulging and taking care of
others. Part of your son wants to cherish and protect his little sister,
and you will be gladdened bit by bit as the growth of this grown-up,
protecting person begins to express itself more powerfully in his
personality." -- Elizabeth Berger
Today we wrap up our discussion of what to do when the almost-3- year
old pees on the baby. Last week we looked at why spankings and timeouts
just increase the amount of anger your little one is feeling and make
it even harder, over time, for him to control himself. (If you missed
that post, it's here.) Tuesday, we considered whether Sticker charts work for a crime of passion like this. Wednesday, we nailed the real solution -- helping our little guy surface and heal the feelings driving his behavior -- in How much more love and affection can I give him?
Today, let's talk about connection. We've had long emails recently. We'll keep this short. READ POST
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