Parenting Blog

"My commitment to this kind of parenting is fierce, and when I falter it is always because I have a mountain of unmet needs - usually of the basic nature (sleep, food, etc) and often including more complex like interdependence and creativity."- Jennifer

“I start yelling, and I can't stop.  Later, I feel terrible.  She was just being a kid.  And I was acting like my mother, who I still can't forgive.” -- Karen

The bad news is, having a child changes everything.  The good news is, having a child changes everything.

Seriously, having a child can be the best thing you ever did. What else offers such rich rewards while helping you grow into a more loving person?  But sometimes the rewards are elusive, and we find ourselves screaming inside "This isn't what I signed up for!" 

Usually, that's when our own needs aren't met.  Or our own big feelings get triggered.  In other words, when caring for our kids takes so much out of us that we aren't caring for ourselves.

But your child's ability to regulate her emotions will depend on how well you regulate yours when you interact with her. And if you can stay centered and joyful, your child will respond by wanting to cooperate with you.

I know, it's hard to be joyful when you can't remember the last time you finished a discussion without being interrupted.  But taking care of your own needs and feelings (and body) will allow you to feel so much better about life, and about your child, that whatever bothers you now about your child will be so much easier to solve.

Want more motivation?  You owe it to yourself.  Ultimately, you're the one responsible for how you spend the short life you've been given. On your deathbed, there won't be anyone else to blame if you’ve been unhappy.  The secret work of adulthood is that we are all still growing up, and parenting forces us to learn to parent ourselves as well as our child.

So how can you nurture yourself, when all the hours in the day are already accounted for?  It's partly a matter of changing what you do; nurturing yourself in small ways throughout your day.  And it's partly a matter of changing your attitude; finding peace inside yourself. 

I wish I could be your fairy godmother and wave a magic wand to help you find that inner peace and balance.  The bad news is, every magic wand we can access takes work.  But work -- the right kind of work, done with compassion -- is what transforms us.  So for the next two weeks, our parenting inspirations will be about nurturing ourselves.

For today, just notice your internal barometer.  1 is depleted, 10 is a full cup.  How are you doing?

Here are the links from this series if you want to follow it through to the end:

1. Nurturing Yourself While Raising Your Child (today)

2. Put Yourself Back on the List

3. How to take care of yourself emotionally while raising your child

4. Self Care When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons

5. Figure out what energizes you and do it!

6. Let's Get Physical: 15 Easy Exercise Ideas for Parents and Kids

7. Stress Busting Strategies for Parents

8. Feed Your Hungry Heart with Nurturing Connection

9. Take the Stones Out of Your Shoe

10. How to Transform What's Draining You

Wrap Up: The Secret of the Full Cup