3 year old -- How to get to bed and to sleep?
DS will be 3 in Dec. We have a new baby and dad is going away for 2 weeks. I don't plan on changing any bedtime habits right now but they really need to change. I know he doesn't get enough sleep and I know he really needs more. I could tell you a half dozen reasons on how we got all our bad habits but that really doesn't matter at this point. I need to know how to create the good habits.
I know we need a bed time routine...bath, snack, story time in bed, lights out, prayers. From what I've read, I think you advocate staying in bed with him until he falls asleep. Then I would guess working towards sitting in a chair next to him, etc until he can eventually fall asleep on his own. When I've tried this before, I was laying in bed with him for an hour plus before he'd finally fall asleep. Can you offer any hope that this time will shorten?
Then DS started refusing to go upstairs to his room to get in bed for story time. How do I do the routine if I can't get him there?
True confessions - our awful night time habit currently consists of DS dictating what is on the living room TV until he finally crashes out. He's gone from falling asleep at 9 ish to lately not until 10:30 or so. He always wakes at 7-7:30 am. He still gets a 2 hour nap at daycare.
Thank you
Jacilynn
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Jacilynn,
Thank you so much for your true confession. I want to reassure you that every parent who has ever lived has a true confession like this. We have all done what is easiest sometimes, instead of what is best for our kids.There is no tragedy in this, usually. It is just a little harder to get back to the healthy habits our kids need to thrive.
Now I will tell you what you already know. Your almost 3 year old son should not be staying up until 10:30pm. It isn't just that what's shown at that time of night is inappropriate for children, obviously he needs the sleep. It's great that he gets a two hour nap at childcare, but he needs 11 hours sleep at night, which means he needs a 9pm lights out.
I know you have a new baby, which makes changing your bedtime routine a lot harder. This is not something you can do while DH is out of town for two weeks. But my advice would be to make this a priority for when DH gets back.
Here's the plan.
Start by enrolling your husband. Given that you have a new baby, it is likely that DH will have to be the main point person with your three year old.
Then, explain to your son that the doctor said he can't watch TV after 6pm. NO MATTER WHAT. There is a good reason for this. Humans make melatonin,the sleep hormone, at dark. But the "blue" light of the TV stops us from making melatonin, which delays sleep. Kids should not watch TV at night. TV literally stops us from getting the sleep we need.
Next, implement the new bedtime routine. Dinner, bath, bedtime snack with stories, teeth brushing and a final story, lights out, daddy lies with him. You may want to make a chart with photos of him doing these things, so it is not a struggle. DS will have a hard time falling asleep at first, since he is used to falling asleep with the TV, but eventually he will begin to fall asleep in his own bed. At first, Dad will probably fall asleep with him. (No big deal, in my view, he will just get a good night's sleep and get up earlier in the morning to take care of anything he didn't get done the night before.)
Gradually, Dad will move to a chair and move further and further away. For more detail on this, see my article on getting toddlers to sleep: Bedtime for Toddlers. This is the gradual way to teach kids to put themselves to sleep, just like we teach our kids most everything else gradually. In my view, there is no reason to just toss them in bed and let them cry, any more than you would toss them in the pool and let them learn to swim.
In your question, you said it took an hour for him to fall asleep and asked for reassurance that this would shorten. YES. It will indeed shorten. DS just needs to learn to fall asleep. And right now, since he goes to sleep so late, his little body is awash in adrenalin and other stress hormones that keep him from falling asleep. Once you start bedtime earlier, routinely, he will fall asleep more easily, probably in ten minutes or so.
This is harder because you also have a new baby. But it is easier because you waited until DS was a bit older. This will take a little time, and DH will have to be involved. But don't worry, this will work out, and you can move on to other fun challenges. Good luck!