Ask the Doctor - Answers to your Parenting Questions

Every child is different. Many children give up their mid-day sleep at this age; others continue until the age of five. So she may not really “need” the nap and be transitioning out of it. Or, she may in fact be tired, but is wound up and over-stimulated because of the excitement of school. In that case, she needs your help to relax.

If you have been nursing your daughter to sleep at naptime, this can complicate matters because she may not have fully mastered the skill of “putting herself to sleep” even if she is actually very tired.  Your goal in that case is to help her learn to fall asleep without nursing.

What can you do? 

1. Enforce a rest time, even if she doesn’t sleep. That means go through a regular relaxing routine with a story and the same soothing music every day (maybe a tape of you singing lullabies or reading a guided meditation?)  She can be allowed to have as many books and stuffed animals on her bed as she wants, but she needs to stay in bed. To help her relax, go through a mini bedtime routine, and try EFT with her (this often relaxes kids, and while I can't point to convincing research I can attest that it relaxes me!)

Upside: She rests, even if she doesn't need to sleep. 

Downside:   She may not be able to fall sleep, even if she needs the rest.  And therefore she may not stay in bed.  Unless, of course, you stay with her.  Move to Option 2.

2. Lie down with her.  View this as a little mini—vacation in your day, during which you can read a novel.  You go through all the steps above, then tell her it is time for her to sleep, snuggle up and read.  You can get up after she falls asleep.

Upside: You’re meeting your daughter’s needs, getting a luxurious break yourself, and you might even make it through War and Peace before she gives up naps altogether.  That’s what I call win-win-win. 

Downside:  If she's really wound up, she may toss and turn like crazy  but still not be able to fall asleep.  In which case you move to Option 3.

3. Sleep with her. 

Upside:   You could probably use a nap yourself, and when we relax and sleep with children, it helps them settle down and lulls them to sleep.  Kids who are newly away from us often become more clingy at sleeptime because they crave the connection.

Downside:  What downside?  Seriously, you aren't getting work done, but now she's in school all morning so you can work then. Yes, it's a luxury, but this fuels you for the rest of the day, so you're a more loving person.  Don't worry, she won't need this for long, just for this transitional time.  Take advantage of it while you can!