Getting my child to give up her pacifier?

Dear Dr. Laura,
My three year old uses a pacifier for comfort. Her dentist says she should give it up, and I admit that i would like her to but i don't want to traumatize her. I have seen other kids give it up cold turkey but then start a bad habit like hair twirling. Is there an easy way to do this?
Teresa

Dear Teresa,
The American Dental Association warns that kids over three who use pacifiers risk problems with their dental arches. At the same time, small humans have an innate need to suck, and in most of the world, three year olds still nurse. So I applaud your feeling that you don't want to traumatize your daughter to wean her off the pacifier.

I do feel that pacifiers can too often get in the way of social interaction and play, so it's better if three year olds don't use a pacifier except for comfort, such as at bedtime.

Many parents use the cold turkey approach. There are some hard nights, but the child adapts. Of course, that would also be true if the child had a more significant loss. It is hard to know how much it costs them inside.

I personally think it's much better if the pacifier is abandoned by the child, rather than taken away from her. One idea to hasten this process is to poke a small hole in the nipple. Because it breaks the suction, the sucking will be less satisfying and the child will probably decide to give up the pacifier herself. She will be comforted during this time just by being able to fondle the pacifier as she falls asleep, and she won't have to feel victimized, angry, or shamed by having her pacifier taken away and being told she is too old for it and shouldn't need it.

Be aware that little ones use pacifiers to "pacify" themselves, which means that without it some big tears and fears can come to the surface to be processed. Stay compassionate if your child gets grumpy in the week or so when she's getting used to giving up the pacifier. She will probably need to cry a fair amount, and that's a good thing -- she's venting feelings that she's been lugging around, and using the pacifier to keep down. With your loving attention, she'll cry and evaporate those feelings, and she won't need the pacifier any more to soothe herself.

Good luck!
Dr. Laura

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After reading this post while searching for answers on the best way to break my son of his "fi-fi" habit at age almost 4, I went home and clipped the top of his pacifiers. I think clipped more than I was supposed to on the first go but it ended up working out okay. He seemed to accept that his pacifiers all broke on the same day and he was okay with that and he has been fi-fi-free for almost a month now without too much trauma. We had been talking about giving the pacifier to his new cousin when she was born and sometimes he was open to that but at other times, not so much. I was really worried about how it would go as it was a big comfort for him and he associated the pacifier and his blanket together as comforts when he was in meltdown. He now just asks for "blank" which is his blankie and I do think he takes a little longer to settle in at bedtime without the pacifier but I had expected it to be much worse. Anyway, as a parent who was stressed about it going away but knowing that it needed to, it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. Thanks, Dr. Markham!

Wondering about this- we have 2 kids, one preschooler and one 16 month old. They both use the same type of pacifier and if we have a lot of them, and don't really care who uses which ones. So, if we clip my older son's binkies, he'll just find another
one. I don't want to clip them all, as I don't want to take away the binkies from my toddler just yet. Any advice?

My 3 year old son decided to take his dummy (pacifier) to his teacher, since she told them that now they were big enough to put them away. So one day he just decided and took it to the class and then he was really happy, for the teacher made him a really
pretty congratulations card which he is now showing to everyone. It's only been a few days, but last night he was crying at night, wanted to say the word, but then he didn't say it... I think now he thinks that it's forbidden to him. Would it be wrong if I
gave him the dummy just during the night? And not at bed time, but only if he wakes up at night, so he can suck again and fall asleep without crying. What do you think?

Masha- There is no right or wrong here. He will give up the pacifier sooner or later. You can give it back to him, and eventually he will give it up. At the very least I think you want to talk with him about it. "Are you missing your pacifier? You can
cry about it as much as you want...I am right here." And as long as you feel ok about it, you can ask him if he wants it, just at night. If you decide NOT to give it to him, be prepared to help him through a lot of feelings until he gets used to being without
it. Good luck!

Our almost 3 year old still sleeps in our room. Her dentist suggested we delay breaking her of the pacifier till after we get her into her own room. I am not sure how to tackle either task. Her room will be upstairs. We could also take a room up there
so she would not be alone, would that be better? There is only one bedroom downstairs. I am still working slowly on her "new room", it needed wall repair and painting. We do not talk about her new room much, I am not sure how much to build it up. The dentist
thought she might start sucking her thumb when we moved her into her own room...in response to the stress.

To update my previous message, our daughter got so excited about the toddler bed in her new room she moved herself up there all on her own. She slept there for a nap the day I set up the new bed and has slept there ever since. So, now I have to work on
the binky. I think I will try the snipping method.

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