How to raise responsible kids?
I have read your advice on handling "power struggles" with young children. I do have a question for you, if a child is trained to always be allowed to make the choices in their life, how do they adapt to work situations where there are very few choices? I work with many young ladies who struggle with that very concept. The upcoming generation has a very low work ethic because they were always allowed to decide things in thier lives but now a boss tells them what to do and they do not like it!
Deb
Deb-
Young adults -- and also older adults! -- who get into power struggles with their bosses are a perfect example of what happens when child-raisers get into power struggles with kids. Kids who have to fight to assert their individuality and independence keep fighting later in life, even when it's not appropriate. Kids who are allowed to make appropriate decisions early in life -- "Do you want to wear the green shirt or the red shirt?" "Today is Saturday so you need to clean up your room. Do you want to do it before lunch or right after?" -- don't have to reflexively assert their own will, because they have been allowed to develop it throughout their childhood. Research shows that they are actually more cooperative with their parents, and also with their later coworkers and bosses.
If you talk to someone who doesn't like being "bossed" around, they can usually tell you stories about being bossed around by parents or caretakers early in life. Often, they rebel as soon as they get big enough not to be controlled physically, and the parents will tell you they "gave up" and let their headstrong kid make her own decisions. But if the parents had not over-controlled the kids as toddlers and preschoolers, those kids would be more cooperative right through adolescence and into adulthood.
As far as having a low work ethic, I think that's another question. All kids need an opportunity to contribute to family life, and to learn that any job worth doing is worth doing well. That means every job, from sweeping a floor to cooking a meal, makes the world a better place and is worth taking pride in.
In our culture, though, we no longer equate hard work with creating value or a good life. Most young people don't ever get the valuable experience of working hard to create something they value, don't take responsibility for fixing things they see that are wrong, don't think of themselves as able to make a difference, and therefore don't aspire to making the world a better place. That, of course, is a value that parents are responsible for passing on to their kids.
But our schools also often fail our young people by turning them off to learning, so kids enter the work world without enough education to aspire to a stimulating job, and then find themselves struggling with a work situation that offers them few choices and little fulfillment. Since they haven't yet learned that hard work could be their ticket out of such a situation, they chafe at it instead. I wonder if that's what you're describing.
Dr. Laura
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Last weekend when she stayed at my house she said some things that really had me start worrying. I felt like the girl I thought I knew was not talking to me. I seen a different side of her. Later to find out when I went to bed I heard that she was taking pictures
in short shorts and sending it to a guy. I became pregnant at 16 with her. I began using heavily when I was about 18 yrs old. She seen me in my addiction bad. When she was 7 years old I had her go live with my family because I was to lost in my addiction.
At this time her sister was 2 years old. So therefore I have been in and out of their lives for 6 years. I do not want her to take the path I took. Her father is a active addict she hasn't seen in almost 3 years and that hurts her badly. We are still in counciling
and I want to do more with her to help her understand a guy will not fill that void of her father. SHE IS COMING TO MOVE IN WITH ME IN JUNE AND I WANT TO TRY AND DO THIS RIGHT. **** I DON'T WANT TO PUSH HER AWAY BUT I DON'T WANT TO NOT DISCIPLINE HER HELP!!!!!
***** I am lost at this time between understanding her actions????? Is it a teenager thing or resentment towards me and life???? She gets a attitude when asked to do something. She doesn't want respondsiblity. She has been acting out in school for the last
2 months. She seems to not be interested in anything but facebook, texting, or the mall. Her grades went from A's to C's and D's Emails weekly regarding missing assinments and talking in class. She doesn't answer her phone unless she wants something. EXTREMLY
MINAPULATIVE. Lying and getting really defensive when confronted about it. She is very judgemental towards other people.(but if someone trys to joke with her she gets upset) No concept of money(thinks it grows on trees) She told me last week if I am going
to have a million rules she should stay living at Nanas (my moms. Thats where she is living at the time. ** My mom is 65 years old and still works full-time, her and her boyfriend told me they are exhusted. That Angel is getting bad and she just doesn't seem
to care about anything anymore. ****** **** I HAVE ALSO SEEN HER CHANGE ALOT IN THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS AND THATS WHY I AM WORRYIED ** **** THEY HAVE TAKEN HER PHONE AND THE COMPUTER AWAY AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN CARE ***** ???? HOW DO I DISCIPLINE HER ?????????
PLEASE HELP ME WITH SUGGESTIONS !! I WOULD LIKE TO GET TO THE PROBLEM BEFORE IT GETS ANY WORSE....