Twins: How to be physically and emotionally available to two babies at once?
Hello Dr. Laura
I am often beset with guilt and wistfulness reflecting on my twins' early years. How is it humanly possible to be available enough -- both physically & emotionally -- to two babies at once? Could you write an article on gentle parenting twins?
I don't write about parenting twins because every time I have tried, a parent of twins tells me I am being presumptuous. I did not raise twins, after all. I have coached many parents of twins and from that I have learned that it is impossibly difficult. But other parents of twins tell me it isn't....I have to conclude that the people coming to me for help are the ones who are finding it challenging.
Bottom line -- If one baby is really hard, then two babies (or more) at once is REALLY REALLY hard. No one can be a perfect parent to any child, and I think we have to forgive ourselves for the ways we could not be what our child needed. We are growing too. It is one of the tragedies of the human condition that so much of our growth comes from raising our children, which means we learn on them, and at their expense. But that's like saying death is a tragedy -- it certainly feels like one, but that is part of the design.
SO I think we just accept that we will not be able to be perfect for our children, and we forgive ourselves, and maybe that is the greatest gift that can be given, to ourselves, and even to our children, because we are role-modeling how to be human. How to be courageous and forgiving in the face of pain and despair. How to create meaning and love even out of experience that would push us toward giving up. Please let go of the past, and commit yourself to loving now--beginning with yourself and your children.