Everything has changed so quickly. Suddenly everyone, everywhere in the world, is at risk of contracting Covid-19. It's terrifying.
Now,
more than ever, we need our courage.
And yet, we find ourselves obsessing about the virus, engaging with the news 24/7, clicking on every alert. We're looking for certainty, something to allay
our fear. But there is no certainty to be found, so that strategy just creates more anxiety.
And since our children are so sensitive to our moods, they pick up on our mood and tone, and get anxious themselves. Guess what kids do when they get anxious? They "act out" the feelings they can't express in words. In other words, they misbehave. And of course, since we're already tense, we find it hard to respond with patience. Fear is what pulls us off the high road and onto the low road of parenting.
What can you do when you start to worry? Take responsibility for managing yourself. We know how to summon up our courage. We just have to do so, again and again.
STOP, DROP whatever you're thinking about, and take several deep BREATHs to calm your body and stop the rush of stress hormones. This keeps you from getting hijacked and gives you a choice about how to respond to feeling worried. Feelings are just part of being human, like arms and legs. But also like your limbs, you always have a choice about what you do with them.
What thought is causing you to feel worried right now? Notice that you're worried about something that MAY happen in the future. In fact, it probably won't. Our thoughts about the future are never real -- we can't know what the future will hold. Regardless, worrying now won't help you cope now or in the future, no matter what happens.
Find an antidote to those worrisome thoughts. I agree with Susan Jeffers, author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, that the best antidote to fear is "I can handle it." That's because fear is the feeling that we won't be able to handle something that might happen. But, in fact, you can handle it, no matter what it is. You have enormous internal resources. You can do hard things! You don't want an emergency or a tragedy to happen, but if you have to cope with one, you will handle it, somehow. Anxiety will only make you miserable now and less effective if something undesirable does happen.
So use your antidote: "I can handle it."
If it helps, add others: "We're safe. Keep calm and carry on." Whatever works to calm your mind.
Take responsible health measures. Then relax. Cultivate positivity and enjoy your family.
For more on how to enjoy your family, manage your own worries, institute healthy habits in your home, and support your child, don't miss the articles linked to at the end of this post.
The biggest danger of pandemics is that our survival instinct begins to threaten our compassion. The contagion of fear contracts our hearts. So consciously opening our hearts is an antidote to fear. Every choice, at core, is between love or fear. Choose love.
Practicing love keeps us healthier. And what better time to practice than in a pandemic? We may not have wanted to live in such interesting times. But
as a wise philosopher once said, that is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.
So I'm closing today with an offering from the wonderful poet Lynn Ungar.
What if you thought of it
as the Jews consider the Sabbath—
the most sacred of times?
Cease from travel.
Cease from buying and selling.
Give up, just for now,
on trying to make the world
different than it is.
Sing. Pray. Touch only those
to whom you commit your life.
Center down.
And when your body has become still,
reach out with your heart.
Know that we are connected
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
(You could hardly deny it now.)
Know that our lives
are in one another’s hands.
(Surely, that has come clear.)
Do not reach out your hands.
Reach out your heart.
Reach out your words.
Reach out all the tendrils
of compassion that move, invisibly,
where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love–
for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,
so long as we all shall live.
–Lynn Ungar 3/11/20
Are Your Kids Suddenly Regressing? Yes, it's the Pandemic. Here's what to do.
Overwhelmed? How to get a grip.
Simple Daily Habits to Ease the Stress of Quarantine
A Magic Wand To Manage Your Stress When You Get Triggered
Handling Your Child's Disappointment Over Cancelled Events
Courage in the Age of Coronavirus
Suddenly We're All Homeschoolers! What? You Weren't Trained For This?
10 Solutions To Save Your Sanity During the Coronavirus Pandemic School Closures
Keeping Siblings from Each Other's Throats During Forced Togetherness
Kids At Home But You're Trying To Get Work Done?
Coping With Fear In the Face Of the Pandemic
What to Say To Your Child About the Coronavirus -- and How To Cope As a Parent
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