Preparing Your Child for the New School Year
The last weeks of summer are already upon us, and the new school year is right around the corner. Whether you can’t wait till your kids are back in school or dread the more regimented days ahead, there’s one thing you can count on: Back to School is always a big transition.
Kids
who are starting school for the first time or moving to a new school
have the biggest adjustment, but even moving up a grade means coping
with a new teacher, more academic demands and a changing social
circle. Start preparing now to make those first weeks easier for your
kids – and yourself! Here’s how:
1. Make sure your child is familiar with the school. If she was at the same school last year, great! You only need to talk about any differences this year. (“Now
that you’re in first grade, you get to play on the big kids playground,
and go eat in the lunchroom with the other kids.” “Now that you’ll be
in third grade, you’ll have homework every day.” “Now that you’ll be in
middle school, you’ll be walking by yourself. We’ll need to practice
crossing Main Street.” )
But if this is her first year at
this school, then you’ll want to take some trips there. Even if there
is a formal orientation day just before school begins, start now by
taking a trip to the school. If you can get access to the playground,
that’s a terrific way to help your child bond with her new school. If
not, at least admire it through the fence and get her excited about the
slide or climbing structure.
If
the building is open, by all means walk in together to check it out.
If you’re allowed to poke your head in the library, peer into a
classroom or two, and use the bathroom (important in making her feel
more secure there) you’ve hit the jackpot. You may not get much
further than the office, where you can explain that your child will be
starting school in the fall and wanted to see what the school was like,
and introduce her to the front office staff. Either way, the more your
child sees of the school, the less she’ll fret with fear of the
unknown, and the more comfortable she’ll feel on the first day.
2. Take advantage of any orientation opportunities.
Many schools let new students, especially in the younger grades, come
to school for an orientation session before school begins. If the
school doesn’t have such a program, ask if you and your child can come
by to meet the new teacher for a few minutes a day or so before school
starts. Teachers are busy preparing their rooms and materials at that
time, but any experienced teacher is happy to take a few minutes to
meet a new student and make him feel comfortable, since she knows that
helps her students settle into the school year.
3. Facilitate your child’s bonding with the teacher.
All kids need to feel connected to their teacher to feel comfortable in
the classroom. Until they do, they are not ready to learn.
Experienced teachers know this, and “collect” their students
emotionally at the start of the school year. Obviously, if you can
arrange for your child to meet the teacher in advance, by all means do
so. But there are lots of ways to help your child feel like he knows
even a teacher he’s never met.
Once you find out your child’s classroom assignment, begin talking about the teacher in fond and familiar terms. (“When
you’re in Ms. Williams class, I bet she’ll be impressed with what a
great cleaner-upper you are.” “I’m pretty sure that Ms. Williams reads
stories to the kids, she might read your favorite book if we bring it
to school.”) If you can find a photo of Ms. Williams, by all means put it up on your refrigerator and speak to it fondly (“Ms. Williams, you are a great kindergarten teacher and I just know you and my David are going to love each other!”)
If you know other kids who have been in Ms. Williams’ class, ask them
to tell your child what their favorite thing was about her.
Encourage
your child to draw a picture to bring Ms. Williams on the first day,
and to pick out a shiny red apple for her. Note that it doesn’t really
matter what kind of teacher Ms. Williams is. Your child will feel a
fondness for her to which she is likely to respond favorably.
Regardless, the feeling of familiarity will help your child bond with
her.
If you notice in the first week of school that your child
doesn’t seem to have connected with his teacher, don’t hesitate to
immediately contact her. Just explain that your child was excited
before school started but doesn’t seem to have settled in yet. You’re
hoping that the teacher can make a special effort to reach out to him
so he connects with her and feels at home. Virtually all teachers
understand this issue and will pay extra attention to your child during
that first week if you make a nice request. My own daughter cried
every day at the start of fourth grade until I had a conversation with
the teacher; a week later she loved him and couldn’t wait to go to
school in the morning.
4. Facilitate bonding with the other kids. Kids
are always nervous about their new teacher, but if they know any of the
other kids, they’ll feel more at ease. If you’re new in town, make a
special effort to meet other kids in the neighborhood. Often schools
are willing to introduce new families to each other, allowing kids to
connect with other new students in the weeks before school starts.
Even if your child is not new to the school, find out what other kids
are in her class and arrange a playdate so she’ll feel more connected
if she hasn’t seen these kids all summer. If you can arrange for your
son or daughter to travel to school that first morning with a child he
or she knows, even if they aren’t in the same classroom, it will ease
last minute jitters.
5. Practice saying goodbye.
If your child is beginning school for the first time and has not had
previous daycare or preschool experience, his or her biggest challenge
will be saying goodbye to you. Explain that all children go to school
to learn, which is a child’s job just like parents work at jobs.
Orchestrate small separations to practice saying goodbye, and develop a
parting routine, such as a hug and a saying like “I love you, you love me, have a great day and I’ll see you at 3!”
You
might give your child a token to hold on to that reminds her of you,
such as a cut-out heart with a love note, your scarf, or a small stone
you found on the beach together, that she can keep in her pocket while
you’re apart and give back upon your return. Most kids like to have a
picture of the family in their backpacks. Be sure to use the
suggestions above for helping her bond with her new teacher; she needs
to transfer her attachment focus from you to the teacher if she is to
successfully let you go.
6. Ask the school whether you will be able to walk your child into the classroom and hand him off to the teacher.
Find out how long you will be able to stay. If you suspect that your
child might have a hard time saying goodbye, by all means speak with
the teacher now and make a plan for how to handle the first day. Maybe
every morning you will read your child one story and then take her over
to the teacher when you say goodbye, so the teacher can comfort and
distract her.
Once
you have a plan, begin describing to your child what will happen at
school. But don’t emphasize the goodbye, keep right on going with how
fun the day will be: “Every morning you will pick a book for me to
read to you. When we finish the story, we will find Ms. Williams
together. We’ll give each other a big hug and say our special
goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will hold your hand and take you to the
block corner where you and Michael can build a tall tower while I go to
work. You will have snack, and play outside, and read stories, and
have lunch. Every day when I pick you up I will be excited to hear
what you built in the block corner that day.”
7. Start conversations about the next grade at school or about beginning school.
One good way to do this is to select books relating to that grade.
Your librarian can be helpful; some good choices include books by Alan
& Janet Ahlberg, Stan & Jan Berenstain, Dianne Blomberg, Marc
Brown, Lauren Child, Julie Danneberg, Bonnie Graves, James Howe, Beth
Norling, Marisabina Russo, and Amy Schwartz.
Get
your kids excited by talking about what they can expect, including
snack, playground, reading, computers, singing and art. If you know
other children who will be in his class or in the school, be sure to
mention that he will see or play with them. Share your own stories
about things you loved about school.
Encourage her questions
by asking what she thinks school will be like. Emphasize the things
you think she’ll enjoy but be sure not to minimize her fears; kids can
be stricken by worries that adults might find silly, like finding the
bathroom at school. Normalize any fears and reassure her that she will
have fun, that the school can reach you if necessary, and that your
love is always with her even when you aren’t. Be sure to end every
conversation with “and when school is over I will be there to pick you up and we’ll have a special snack while you tell me all about your day” so that every time your child thinks about school, she remembers this reassurance.
8. If a younger sibling will be at home with you,
be sure your child knows how boring it will be at home and how jealous
you and the younger sibling are that you don’t get to go to school like
a big kid. Explain that every day after school you will have special
time with your big girl to hear all about her day and have a snack
together.
9. Get your kids back on an early to bed schedule well before school starts.
Most kids begin staying up late in the summer months. But kids need 9
1/2 to 11 hours of sleep a night, depending on their age. (Teens need
a minimum of 9.5; toddlers usually do best with 11). Getting them back
on schedule so they’re sound asleep by 9pm to be up at 7am for school
takes a couple of weeks of gradually moving the bedtime earlier.
Imposing
an early bedtime cold turkey the night before school starts results in
a child who simply isn’t ready for an earlier bedtime, having slept in
that morning and with the night-before-school jitters. In that
situation, you can expect everyone’s anxiety to escalate. So keep an
eye on the calendar and start moving bedtime a bit earlier every night
by having kids read in bed for an hour before lights out, which is also
good for their reading skills.
10. Wake up your child’s brain.
You aren’t the teacher, and you don’t need to start school before the
school year starts by pulling out the flashcards or assigning math
problems. On the other hand, research shows that kids forget a lot
during the summer. If your child has been reading through the summer
months, congratulations! If not, this is the time to start. Visit the
library and let him pick some books he’ll enjoy. Introduce the idea
that for the rest of the summer everyone in the family (you can include
yourself if you like, or you can read to them) will read for an hour
every day.
And if your child has assignments to complete,
don’t wait for him to remember the day before school starts that he was
supposed to write a book report. Get summer work out of the way at
least a week before school starts so he can relax for the rest of
vacation!
11. Let your child choose his own school supplies, whether from around your house or from the store, and ready them in his backpack or bag.
12. The day before school starts, talk about exactly what will happen the next day to give your child a comfortable mental movie:
“We’ll get up early tomorrow for your first day in Ms. Williams’ class. We will drive there together and I will take you into her classroom and introduce you to her. She will make sure you know all the other kids, because they will be your new friends. I will read a book to you and then we will hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will take you to the block corner so you can build a tower. Ms. Williams will show you where the bathroom is, and you can ask her anytime you need to go. There will be games and books and blocks, and she will read to the class. You will get to have fun on the playground with the other kids, and you will get to sit at a desk like the big kids. And at the end of the day, Ms. Williams will bring you to me on the school steps, and I will be there to pick you up and hear all about your first day at school.”
Be alert for signs that your child is
worried, and reflect that most kids are a little nervous before the
first day of school, but that he will feel right at home in his new
classroom soon.
13. Get yourself to bed early the night before school so
you can get up early enough to deal calmly with any last minute
crises. Be sure kids – including teens! – lay out clothes the night
before, that lunches are made, and that everyone gets enough sleep and
a healthy breakfast. Plan to arrive at school early so you have time
for meaningful goodbyes. And don’t forget that “first day of school”
photo before you leave home!
14. If your child gets teary when you say goodbye,
reassure her that she will be fine and that you can’t wait to see her
at the end of the day. Use the goodbye routine you’ve practiced, and
then hand her off to her teacher. Don’t leave her adrift without a new
attachment person, but once you’ve put her in good hands, don’t worry.
Experienced teachers know about first day jitters and are used to
bonding with their charges. Her tears won’t last long. If your child
continues to have a hard time separating, be sure to speak with the
teacher. Maybe she can give her a special job every morning, or
facilitate a friendship with another child who has similar interests.
15. Make sure you’re a few minutes early to pick your child up that first week of school.
Not seeing you immediately will exacerbate any anxieties he has and may
panic him altogether. If your child cries when you pick him up, don’t
worry. You’re seeing the stress of his having to keep it together all
day and be a big boy. Your return signals that it’s safe to be his
babyself again, take it as a compliment.
This is true for kids of all ages, who may have uncharacteristic meltdowns during the first week of school, or just before school starts. Chalk it up to stress, don’t be hard on them, and be sure you’re there to talk so they don’t have to resort to tantrums. Before you know it everyone will be comfortable in their new routine and not even looking back as they race into school.
