How to stop baby from biting parents?
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My daughter is almost 13 months old. She has recently developed a biting habit. Her bites are anything from full on chomp to pinch-like bites. She does it for attention, for fun, or just plain because she wants to. I have bruises from her bites. I've tried just about everything I can think of. I say "no bite", she laughs and bites again. I say no bite louder, she cries, bites again. I say "No bite!" loud and firm and walk away, she cries running after me. When she calms down, it starts all over again.
My question is, how do I discipline her and teach her that biting is bad? Or how do I get her to stop biting? I don't think my arms, legs or toes can take much more of her little sharp teeth.
Ouch! I am so sorry for the pain your child is causing you.
Most babies and toddlers experiment with biting; some even go through a prolonged biting phase. They are not able to express themselves with words very well yet, so anger and frustration often are expressed by biting.
Some children bite when they are overwhelmed with too much closeness and want some distance. Others bite in an exploratory fashion, for instance while nursing or snuggling. Many little ones bite when they're teething or excited, just because it feels good.
Some babies seem to have a strong need to bite, meaning this is just the way they experience the world. And, strangely enough, many babies this age bite as an expression of affection -- their love is so big they just want to take a bite out of you, as in "I love you so much I could eat you up!"
Unfortunately, your child doesn't really understand that it hurts you when she bites. So when you say No, she laughs and bites again, because she thinks it's a game. When you say no louder, she cries because he sees that you're angry -- but she still doesn't know why! Even once she figures out that you're mad because she bit you, she may well see it as a dare, and keep doing it. Only once she understands that you HURT when she bites is he likely to stop. The problem is that with many kids this age the biting phase gets prolonged because the parent is either not forceful enough, or engages in a struggle with the child. Our goal is to nip it in the bud, so to speak. Here's how:
1. Recognize her feelings and give her words for them before she bites. If you get the sense that she might be about to bite, hold her away from you and say "You want to Bite. No biting! Are you MAD? Say MAD!"" Research suggests that simply acknowledging the feelings of pre-verbal little ones this way can not only prevent biting, it can actually end tantrums.
2. Give her a substitute. Sometimes she won't be mad at all, she may just be nipping out of excitement. Regardless of her feelings, when you sense her about to bite, always hand her a teether and say "Teethers are for biting. People aren't for biting. Show me how you bite the teether."
Some kids just have to bite, and redirecting the biting is a lot more effective than stopping it. We don't care if she bites a teether, we just want her never to bite people. So if her biting continues, definitely attach a tough teether to one of those pacifier "leashes"so it stays accessible (not around her neck) and whenever she seems about to bite, put the teething ring to her mouth. One mom I know even started giving her daughter teriyaki jerky to chew when she seemed in a biting mood and her daughter completely stopped biting people.
3. Most kids bite only in certain kinds of situations. If you can stay alert especially in those situations when your child is most likely to bite, you can usually keep your skin out of her way and stick the teether in her mouth, reminding her that teethers are for biting, never people.
4. Don't pull away when she bites you or it increases the bruising and cuts into the skin. Instead, push into her mouth. She will open it and let go and you are less likely to be cut or bruised.
5. Show her unequivocally that biting HURTS! If you are holding her, put her down immediately. Start crying dramatically. She knows what crying is, and even small babies are upset by others crying because they know it signifies pain and unhappiness. Say "OUCH, BITING HURTS!" loudly as you sob.
I know that many experts suggest not rewarding 'bad' behavior by giving the child attention for it. But when a little one acts aggressively towards us they are testing us. I think it is a mistake to ignore biting, or even to act calm. Instead, we want to give the child the message that she is hurting us, and hurting our relationship. After all, they are looking to us to show them how relationships work.
Notice we don't get mad at them, we don't yell, we don't punish them, we don't make them bite soap, we don't put them in timeout, and we don't bite them back. Even a stern "No Biting" will often be perceived as a dare. But we DO react honestly: IT HURTS! This often stops the biting immediately, because kids are actually shocked when they learn that their biting hurts.
6. Keep this from turning into a game, a dare or a power struggle by not engaging with your child immediately after she bites. Put her down, completely ignore her, and focus on where you were bitten. (I do not recommend walking out of the room, because that triggers the baby's abandonment panic so forcefully that she forgets all about the biting lesson -- and it traumatizes her.) Cry loudly as if you are in pain. This may well alarm your child to the point of tears. Keep ignoring him for a minute. You want her to take this seriously. Finally, if she is crying, pick her up and comfort her, saying "It's ok, Mommy is ok now, but biting hurts. You hurt Mommy. We never bite. We HUG? Ok?" Give her a big hug.
7. If your child is ever around another child who bites, keep them apart for awhile. Biters do tend to reinforce each other. And if you notice any biting scenes in anything she watches (for instance, there is a biter in Madagascar), stop watching those shows. She's learning from everything she sees.
8. Find books that deal with biting to read to your child. One that is available as a board book is Teeth are Not for Biting by Verdick and Heinlen. There is also a flap book by Karen Katz called No Biting.
Be reassured that as kids gain words and impulse control, even the most dedicated biters do stop biting other people. But hopefully these suggestions will
help your child stop biting you immediately. Good luck!
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