Family Vacation Survival Guide
Kids love vacations with extended family. They follow the
older cousins around like puppies, and forge lifelong bonds with those
their own age. These are the golden experiences that shape rich
childhood memories.
But kids also stay up late, get disconnected from parents,
and melt down from the overload. I call it Family Vacation Stress
Syndrome. (Of course, parents often experience their own version.)
Even if it's just your own family on vacation, disrupted schedules, traveling, and the crash
and burn
from all the excitement can easily be a
recipe for tears
and tantrums. How can parents manage life during the
vacations to
maximize the joy and minimize the tears?
1. Keep kids on their usual schedule as much as
possible.
Kids need the security of familiar routines. They’re
stressed by
unfamiliar events and what feels to them like chaotic
unpredictability.
Do what you can to keep them on schedule and be patient when
they get
hyped-up or irritable.
2. Give kids plenty of warning about travel and
upcoming
events so they feel less pushed around and
taken by
surprise. Before traveling, you might use a calendar to
show them what will happen each day. (“Then we
leave for Grandma’s, where you’ll get to play with all the
cousins.”)
Many kids love to make a little book, where each page
represents a new
day and they draw a picture of what will be happening.
3. If you’re flying with kids, plan to arrive early enough
that they get
to “run” a bit in the airport hallway after sitting still in
the car
and before sitting still on the plane. DON"T pre- board --
your child will just have to sit longer in his seat. Make sure to
change diapers and use the bathroom just before boarding. If you use
overnight diapers (more absorbent), you might get lucky and avoid diaper
changes on the flight. Special secret for
painless
flights: Bring small wrapped “presents” – books, treats,
chapstick,
puzzles, simple crafts – for each child. Kids can look
forward to
getting one as soon as they’ve buckled their seat belts, and
several
more whenever you need a distraction mid-flight. Blue painter's tape always comes in handy, too
-- you can make a tic-tac-toe board on the tray table, use it for
crafts, tape up blankets to make a cozy fort, and even make a hopscotch board in the airport while you're
waiting. Be sure to bring bottles, sugar-free lollipops or something
else to suck on during take-off and landing.
4. Plan no more than one event per day. What you want to avoid, of course, is racing
around before you leave, getting stressed out by a busy
trip that includes lots of meltdowns, and
returning home in need of a vacation. Kids tend to get
cranky and
stressed with travel and schedule changes, so plan to do
less, rather
than more.
5. Have age-appropriate expectations.
A four year old can’t be expected to sit quietly while you
enjoy a fancy dinner. If
you’re doing a lot of visiting with adults, be sure the kids
have
something to occupy them. If they can read, buy them a new
book for the
occasion, one they can’t wait to get into. If they’re too
young to stay
absorbed in a book, bring a video. Even if you usually have dinner as a family, vacations are a great time to feed kids early so adults can enjoy a chance to talk at dinner. Remember, you need to recharge your own batteries, too!
6. Coach your kids about the social behavior you
expect.
Role play with them in the car before you arrive, or make a
game of it
before you go. “In the hotel hallways, we use inside
voices and we don't run." "What do you when Uncle
Norman wants to hug you hello?” “What if you don’t like the
dinner
that’s served?” “When you want to leave the table, how do
you ask?”
“What will you do if the cousins start arguing?”
7. Snuggle with your child every morning before
getting out of bed. It's very grounding for kids to hear from you how
the day is expected to unfold -- even if it will be a lot like
yesterday.
8. Schedule in some quiet reading time every night. Bring some
favorite books from home.
9. Make sure you have nightly quiet time after lights out to lie
with your child and listen to her chat about the day. This is when
you'll hear about minor conflicts or insecurities that your child is
working to handle with the other kids. Don't feel you have to jump in
and "solve" the problem -- your child mostly needs a chance to be heard
and have her feelings acknowledged.
10. Consider bringing some version of Blackout curtains
with you on vacation to keep your child asleep longer in the morning --
and to help your child settle on those summer evenings when the
light stays so long.
11. White noise machines can be invaluable,
both to keep kids sleeping longer in the morning, and to block out the
sound of adults and older kids carousing so little ones can settle down.
12. Physical Activity- Be sure your
schedule includes
plenty of visits to the playground or other opportunities
for the kids to get wild.
13. Down time. Kids need downtime, just to chill out, snuggle, and do whatever relaxes them. If they don’t get it, they can’t really be blamed for melting down when the over-stimulation gets to them. What does your child do at home to relax? Draw? Play with her imaginary friend? His little figurines? Make sure every day includes a little downtime with your child's favorite activity to help him regroup.
14. Soothing activities for little ones that work for most kids:
- Sand play - Put some sand in a lasagna pan on the deck, add small figurines, vehicles, and a strong spoon for digging.
- Water play - At the beach or lake, of course. But even on a back deck with a spaghetti pot of water. For variety, add ice cubes, paint brushes, sponges, plastic water pitchers. Toddlers love to "paint" the deck or wash the picnic table.
- Bubbles. You'll have to help the little ones, but all kids love bubbles. You can easily make your own bubble mix (Add 3 Tbsp of Glycerine and 2/3 cup of dish soap -- Joy & Dawn are best -- to a gallon of water.) Any twig with a loop of yarn can be used as a bubble wand.
- Clay- If you're in a rented space on vacation, limit clay to a tray, pan, or outside. But clay, sculpey or playdoh is a wonderful, tactile way for kids to knead and pound out the stresses that inevitably accompany all new experiences.
15. Watch your kids’ food intake in the midst of
too many
treats and hyped-up schedules. Many tantrums
originate
from hunger. And all parents recognize the sugar high that
sends kids
bouncing off walls and then crashing into tears. If
necessary, speak
with grandparents in advance about limiting treats. And
carry small
protein-rich snacks with you so your child doesn’t have a
melt-down
while the adults are negotiating where to go to dinner.
16. Time with you. Your kids may be chasing the older cousins, but they still want, and need, time with you. This is a perfect opportunity to turn off your cell phone and see what an inspired parent you are when you have a chance to relax and revel in just being alive. Just want to lie under the umbrella with your magazine? Make that your reward after you spend five minutes in the water with your child. You'll be amazed how much more alive -- and connected to your child -- you feel after a five minute water fight. And how much more cooperative your child is when you say it's time to go home.
17. Look at this vacation as a chance to recharge
and
reconnect your family.
Don't try to work on
vacation -- this is family time. Forgo organized evenings in favor
of family board games and keep your focus on connecting fun
rather than sight-seeing or structured activities.
18. The most important tip, as always in parenting, is to
manage
yourself so you can stay calm. Remember that
traveling can be stressful for everyone, and your kids depend on you not
only to
regulate their environment, but also to help them regulate
their moods. Make sure you take this opportunity to trade off child care responsibilities with other adults, if possible, so you get a chance to replenish your own spirits. You're never too old to have a summer vacation you'll always remember.
