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Workbook Resource - Respectful Voice Charts

If you're a yeller or shouter, it can be really, really hard to change your habit. But the results are priceless. You and your child will be much closer, which means he'll want to behave better. And watching you manage your emotions will help him learn to regulate his own emotions better. 

The key is supporting yourself so you're less likely to lose it. That's why I recommend you take a Vow of Yellibacy.  Once you clearly state your intention, you have more chance of success. 

The next thing you need is an accountability partner. Who knows if you're using a respectful voice with your child? Your child! So your child decides whether you get a sticker each day. Obviously, yelling is not a respectful voice. Notice you can still guide your child -- just respectfully.

Try it for a week. Give yourself whatever support you need to be successful. I'm betting you'll see a wonderful change in your family, one that will keep you going long after your experiment ends. In a year, you won't remember the last time you yelled. Miraculous? Yes. But this is something you can do. Which doesn't make it less of a miracle.

Here are your Respectful Voice Star Charts. You'll notice separate sets for Mom and Dad. (Don't push your partner to sign on if he or she is not interested, because they will end up feeling attacked when the kids won't give them a star. Always work on yourself first. Your role modeling will be noticed.)

For Dad:

Respectful Voice Chart 2018 Dad Public Respectful Voice Chart 2018 Dad Public (35 KB)

For Mom:

Respectful Voice Chart 2018 Mom Public Respectful Voice Chart 2018 Mom Public (35 KB)

Every day during the bedtime routine, ask your child if you used a respectful voice all day and thus earned a star. Your child can give you a sticker or draw a happy face or star for each day when you don't shout. If your child says you didn't earn a star, try not to get defensive. (That just results in your trying to make it your child's fault.) Instead, remind yourself that your child doesn't deserve to get yelled at, no matter what, and that you're the role model. Then ask yourself what you can do tomorrow to give yourself more support to stay on track.

Don't forget to promise yourself a nice reward. This is the hardest work there is, and you deserve it!

 

There's lots more info on how to use these charts, how to stop yelling, and how to help your child WANT to cooperate without yelling, bribes, threats or punishment, in my Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.