Aha! Parenting Blog

Practical solutions for real parenting problems

When Your Child Gets Angry: The Cheat Sheet

"I agree with everything in this article When Your Child Gets Angry: Here's Your Gameplan, but 15 points are a lot to take in. It would be good to have a (very) short version." - Sejal

Sejal is right. Everyone needs the short version on their refrigerator, until the whole family has memorized it. Here's the cheat sheet on what to do when your child gets angry.

1. Use your Pause Button. Stop (what you're doing), Drop (your agenda, just for now), and Breathe (which gives you a choice about how to respond.)

2. Choose love. Make the conscious choice not to act while you’re triggered. 

3. Change your mind. Reframe mentally. Use a mantra to talk yourself down and reshape your perceptions, so your mind turns off its alarm system. Or remind yourself of all the wonderful things about your child, to put this current “offense” into perspective.

4. Choose to see things from the other person’s perspective. This is the key to being able to understand another person's anger. In any disagreement, each person thinks they're right. 

5. Acknowledge your child's perspective, even if you don't agree with it. Rage doesn't dispel until it feels heard.

6. Open your heart.  Connect, and wait until your child feels heard, before you correct.

That's it.
Less drama. More love.

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